Vanity is Fair

When Spreads the Magic.....

Concept and Created By - Jovy Thomas- Photographer (multimedia)
Starring- Jerly
Year of creation- 2007

God gives us a mixed bag. He may not give us somethings we ask, but then he may also give us blessing which we never expected either! He gave me a blessing in the form of my sister-in-law who did for me what I don't think I ever seriously dreamed of! From taking professional pictures of me to making a video of me! Well, which sister-in-law does that!

She chose a song for me "soniye"(beautiful)! I was not sure it was a song that should be sung for me and then she allowed me to chose and sit with her as she edited.

Not that this song that I chose for the video (Jab Chaye) is any modest by comparison !! It means that- when my magic spreads, nobody escapes! And then the song goes on to describe a 'mixed bag' of opposite tendencies, like both soft and fiery, wounding and healing, a breeze and a storm etc etc...While I am not always proud of the other end of the spectrum all the time, yet the song is not modest at all by any standards.  But, hey, every girl is allowed some vanity, right? Vanity is fair in a woman,....so here's some awesome lyrics and video for me!!

YAYYYYY.

Who Am I

When at the crossroads where I have to choose;

I ask-who am I?

And  I choose what is true to my being;

And pass the other by...

When I feel I am wrong, and have gone with what I desired,
I don't regret ...

It is still who I am.

All what I could not do without;

It was better , than to die...

I am, when I can be

all that I want to give.

I am the one who lives,

 when my spirit is full fire.

The out held hands come many

But want not all that I am

 I have to pass them by, 

say a hundred times goodbye.

And hold only to a hope..

 that does not choose to die
..for a heart, who knows, and calls,

                                                                          to all of ‘who I am’

Have Thine Own Way!

I was told about the intrigue and beauty of Al Kahf (surah 18, of the Quran) and so had been going through it. I have to say, I simply loved the depth and the meaning of the stories in it. One I want to mention here is of Moses and the Mysterious Man.

Moses wanted to gain more wisdom and so went in search of this Man who was called Khidr, which meant green, for his knowledge was “ever fresh and in contact with the life as it is actually lived”. Moses was to take a fish on this voyage which was supposed to disappear at the spot where he would meet this man. But when the fish does jump off into the sea, neither Moses nor the attendant remember to make note of it. As they pass on, the journey becomes more laborious, the stages become heavier and heavier and fatiguing; until they remember to turn back and look for the man again.

This story signifies that when we exhaust our old knowledge and require new knowledge we have a “feeling of uneasiness, heaviness and difficulty especially if we have passed the new knowledge by, without making it our own” The heaviness and discomfort felt is, in fact, an effort of the soul to search for the new knowledge,  a knowledge we have to acquire, to make our journey of life easier once again, after being armed with the new knowledge.

The readers would be curious as to what was the new knowledge Khidr gave to Moses. Moses was told by Khidr not to question whatever he does but he could not refrain from questioning three times over, as he found Khidr causing a loss, being cruel and returning good for evil; all with no apparent reasons. Finally when Khidr explains, his reasons are found to be surprisingly very sound.

The lessons were-
“Often in life, when directed by higher impulses, a person does things that seem wrong or foolish by worldly standards. Only a similar mind can see why the deed was done, that it was from higher wisdom, in accordance with the universal plan; and so such a person may have to bear the blame and questions of the common crowd.”

“There are paradoxes in life-apparent loss may be real gain; apparent cruelty may be real mercy; returning good for evil may really be justice and not generosity. Gods wisdom transcends all human calculation”
Hence, wisdom is to trust in God's goodness, without questioning

This Sunday’s sermon reminded me of the above story and the lessons from ‘Green’. In the sermon was a mention of the famous writer Eugene who was considered a ‘good for nothing’, but his miseries made him express himself in written word, and eventually his writings brought him fame. I wondered as to how Eugene must have thought. He had indeed lead a miserable life, suffered from depressions; and I felt that “maybe he never wanted fame, all he wanted was a happy life; then why?”

From Khidr's  lessons I feel that sometimes, things have to be as they have to be. Just like Moses, we may not understand why God does some things in our life. For instance, I never understood why God made a 'blindly trusting person' like me, become a religious skeptic; why he led me through treacherous roads, why he closed all options of talking my doubts out with someone of a like mind; so I would be forced to take up the pen, talk to myself and write and clear my doubts.

But this sermon was what I heard, coincidentally, on my birthday, the day when I woke up and opened my mail to see that my book (that dealt with clearing contradictions in various religions) was published in Amazon, a birthday gift from my brother. The sermon about Eugene made me think that maybe somebody would be helped by my book someday and that would make all my slogging and troubles worthwhile. My mind may disagree and say that I had actually wanted a normal doubt free happy life, but my heart says that maybe my soul always preferred something lasting, maybe it always wanted to leave behind something helpful. Our joys and miseries are momentary but what we learn and leave behind, are eternal.

I never wanted this! Why Lord! Can't you hear what I am asking from you? What the hell is this that you give me! These are lines that I, and I am sure all of us often say to God in prayer; and then like this sermon, something may make our minds finally reverberate to the words of this hymn that followed the sermon.....
Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Thou art the potter, I am the clay.
Mould me and make me after thy will,
while I am waiting, yielded and still

Should the clay fight with the potter and say “.. Hey not like that!... Lightly not so rough!..”
It is the potter who has the final picture of the pot in mind, not the clay…In other words,
it would make life easier when we yield to the uncalled slaps of life and say…Uh Okay, I can't see the final picture Lord, You can......Have Thine Own Way …!

The Black Swan Dance

I watched the movie Black Swan a second time recently. A powerful movie of passion for dance, that didn’t fail to move my spirit as forcefully as it did the first time that I watched it.

It is the movie about a ballerina consumed with dance, who has to depict the coveted role of the innocent white swan and also its twin the guileful black swan. But she had the frigidity, a reserve in her dance that comes due to innocence and an unlived life. It made her perfect as the white swan but it prevented her from letting herself go, while portraying the sensuous black swan.

The words from her director asking her to ‘live a little’, to lose her frigidity and free herself; the incidents and competition in her life, all blow air on the dark side in her and ignite it to full flame. The result is that black takes over like a whirlwind and she dances the black swan dance in full fire and wins the audience

…but she loses herself, her life, to the act.

Her own desire to keep the role and end the one competition, her intention to meet the requirements for the role as hinted by her director; act as seeds that grow in her, that push her in a direction she was too inhibited to go in reality..and so she goes all that way in her mind. She moves swiftly from the sweet girl to the dark one, who in her stressed and twisted mind has ‘been there, done that'; murdering none else but her own self.

Are we the light or the dark or both? It is true that often in life, in order to leave our frigidity, to let go of our inhibitions, to become more at ease, we have to explore our dark side, we have to live a little; but the challenge is to not to be swept away by it and keep the balance. In life, when the dark winds blow like an unending storm we have to realize that it is the signal to stop resisting and go with the flow of life. Like a tree we have to bend in the incessant wind and not be too stiff, to avoid being broken!

Exploring the dark side is like climbing on a roller skate. If we keep the balance we can have a swifter, more graceful movement but we have to remember that the roller skate without awareness and balance can topple us over any time. The dark side is like a roller that can take over like a whirlwind and destroy all that was safely there as we walked on two feet. And so it needs a lot of control and has to be used with utmost care as we master it, and become fully aware.

The light with all its splendor and clarity, is indeed the real us, while the dark power is the tool, the roller skate, to be used carefully, a tool that when used with control can help live life with more freedom. Then as a swan we can dance sensuously with freedom and still be full of light...; be the White Swan doing... the Black Swan dance....

The Fallen Manhood

It is said that a society is known by the way it treats its women. It is said that women used to be respected in some era and some societies….

I did not want to write a post on a pointless pursuit. I don’t have to write what is the way the women are being treated today,… and that speaks all. Why I take my virtual pen finally to write is the ‘rate’ of deterioration of the society that has come to view in the past few months. I am troubled enough to be pushed to post a question as to why the society is spreading its viciousness towards women in such a geometrically progressing pace?

There was a report that one of the reasons is that violence against women depicted in movies is reflected back into society. That’s a point I quite agree with. Many movies I watched have disturbed me. Some for the foul double meaning language that the veteran heroes of the south use with women; the disrespect and objectification spewing from their words. When heroes do it, the fans follow. It is indeed visibly reflected in the society.

Other movies disturb me for how a large section of the males in the audience react, when they watch on screen the plight of a woman shuddering in fear and misery! Shockingly (maybe not surprisingly) quite a large part of it, jeers and laughs in pleasure! Lustful society indeed that cannot see a woman beyond her body.

Men would blame it on the women for having objectified themselves. Have the women of today really objectified themselves? Well, what option is left with the insecure womanhood, if she has to find or keep a man; when the only thing any Man is willing to ‘love’ her for, is her body and she is constantly in threat of being dumped for a better or younger 'model'?

What makes man so insensitive?
Curiosity does lead humankind into the dark lanes. I know of someone who tried beer. And then he tried it quite frequently. But he became aware that the beer was pulling him into the liquor lane. He also realized he had the capacity to become an addict. From that point of realization he did something that requires great strength. He made a decision and stuck by it. The decision was to never touch even beer! There are rarely any anecdotes I remember with as much admiration as this. He is one real strong Man. He had strength enough to resist even the ‘little finger’ of an irresistible evil.

I don’t know if anybody realizes the powerful truth in what the three monkeys of Gandhiji teach - “Don’t see evil, don’t hear evil, don’t speak evil” For evil is very powerful. It can suck you in, into its vicious grip. You may start by curiosity about the evil, but you never know how and when as you move more and more into the lane, in an explorers spirit, you become part of that evil, you become addicted; some evils that were repulsive to begin with, end up becoming a source of pleasure.

This happens to be the story of all sorts of addictions. Its starts with a one time and then suddenly, you realize that you are in the vicious grip of a snake, that slowly pushes out all your sense of right and wrong, deadens your spirit and makes you a ball of mass that ‘laughs and jeers at grossly wrong places’. Such a person no longer cares what a petty sight he makes, he is hardly aware of it, for he convinces himself that he is proud of his sickness. That it is his Manliness, his strength!

Weakness it is.. Can a man be so strong as to let go of even the finger of the evil when he realizes where it is leading to? Can a man be so strong as to not even touch beer no matter how his buddies laugh at him? Not even be incited by peer pressure and insinuations of not being a man? Can a man be as strong as that! If there is such a man, then he surely is a Man!

Today what we also see is that no man seems to have the strength to stand by a woman to protect her! ‘Manliness’, they convince themselves, is rather in abusing the weak women in all possible ways and blaming every failing on them. For the measure of pain and blame man is capable of giving, he does not have the strength to take even a fourth of it!

They think ,act and talk ‘lust’, and then they hide their lustful nature behind the insinuations to womanhood as sluts and objects of entertainment. Not that they believe the sex seeker image of women projected by the ‘virtual businesses’ that thrive on lies; but rather they are weak and prefer pointing their finger at the woman than admit that they have in fact objectified themselves; that their ‘whole world’ from thoughts to words to actions, revolves around their… ‘object’.
.
After incidents like in Guwahati, the ‘show time’ made by the media and society out of that teenage girl's plight at the hands of jeering senseless men; women must have lost any remaining respect for manhood or any hopes from society in general to genuinely empathize with their situations. That naïve girl believed she had empathic ears as she talked to the camera! She is too young to know, that it is not just a matter of few fishes, it’s the whole river that is dirty.

As men conveniently forget to care about women whom they were designed to protect, they turn out to be woman’s worst enemies. They numb themselves, and do not care where they stand in the ‘lowly’ woman’s eyes.
By the by, what does the Man in today’s society look like in the Woman’s eyes? I am sure in any mature women’s eyes they are the weakest Men, weaker than even women, that any era could produce

But the truth is, it does not help to hate the sick. The sick have to come down from the throne of pride and see their sickness for what it is, only then can they help themselves out of it. The men who claim to be strong by harassing the weak, should come to terms with the weakness it actually is. Men have to abandon their high horses called “Manhood” that take them to hell holes. They should not lose their head to the powers of evil, rather, they should finally show their strength where it is really required; against the power of the dark as it pulls their right senses in. The head can rule again if it is kept where it belongs. That power is for Man to summon, for it is in his own hand.

Paradise----Heaven on Earth

Man is said to be made in the image of the Cosmic Purusha (Cosmic Man). There are said to be seven Lokas or worlds and man therefore is made similarly with seven chakras.

Chakras are pools of energy in our bodies which govern our qualities. There are said to be seven main chakras in all; four in our upper body ( the crown chakra(sahastra), the third eye chakra, The throat chakra, the heart chakra), which govern our mind (yang); and three in the lower body (the solar plexus chakra, the sacral chakra, the root chakra) which govern our instincts (yin).

Kundalini energy is the Goddess, Earth, Mother, Shakti, the universal yin or Earth Chi within all of us. This energy is drawn up through the feet and through the lower chakras.

It awaits the Union with God, Spirit, Father, Shiva, universal Yang or Heaven Chi which collects in the body through the Crown chakra (sahasra) located at the center of the top of the head. This point through which Heaven chi enters the body, is the place of transcendent consciousness or true Self.

When the dark negative force called kundalini or yin is taken to the Sahasra and when it is united with the light, the positive, the yang, the seeker attains the perfect stillness or samadhi. This union of energies when maintained in equilibrium can bring in man the qualities of equanimity and unconditional love.

This concept is not different from Christian beliefs. In Christianity the Christ is said to be the head and the world is the body, his bride.The new testament asserts that "we are many parts of one body". We are the bride awaiting the union with our bridegroom the Christ! All concepts are intertwined and in fact are one in spirit. How have different people, cultures and different religions spoken in different words about the same phenomenon? Obviously, where science cannot go, the opened heart goes, and it can be trusted to have come back with the right answers! That is how all people spread apart speak the same thing.

It can be seen that the relation of the human head and body is in similarity to the relation between God and creation.The microcosm is evidently in the image of the Macrocosm.

The undivided infinite Brahma on the other hand is pure consciousness. Creation happens when the undivided separates into a polarity of yin yang, positive negative, night day, light dark. And so creation is not possible without this division or conflict. That is why all life form feels this double pull, this conflict which separates us from our true undivided identity.

The yin in our body pulls down towards the earth and the yang energy in our body moves upwards. When these oppositly spiraling forces converge, unite in an individual, he is able to escape this polarity more and more through inward focus.

The yang and the yin energies spiral in the body in concentric circles and the converging of these opposite spirals at the central point can be represented as infinity. Infinity represents equilibrium or unity, the balance between male and female forces.The union is experienced and described as a feeling of bliss. Being a dynamic equilibrium, this union or infinity needs to be repeatedly balanced by awareness (Infinity though is the ultimate destination,is in flux and so is required to be kept in balance by awareness).

When this union happens we are more aware of the pure consciousness within the very centre of these converging spirals. When we focus into this pure consciousness, bring awareness to the very centre of the spiral, the point of infinity; the pairs of opposites vanishes completely which is felt as a stillness. When we seek answers in this state, the answers are reflected on our mind just as as the moon is reflected clearly in still waters. The stiller the mind, the more centered; the clearer the picture.


Though the yang is centred in the head and the yin in the body, yet if any chakras are not open the other chakras can compensate. For example though the right and left brains have different functions still when the right brain is damaged in some accident it has been noted that the left can take over many of its functions and vice versa. Similarly when lower chakras are blocked, the chakras in head can compensate for yin as well. That is each incomplete unit can be complete too!

In fact everything in the universe is such that each microcosm can be the image of the whole macrocosm. This means that the macrocosm called heaven is not merely the destination, it can be there in each microcosm called a human maintained in a fluctuating equilibrium, quite like how the whole of universe is!

Ideally, from the smallest unit to the biggest everything should become complete, and each microcosm has to be united to the macrocosm.

What happens when there is imbalance of energy? Shiva is yang, or can be called masculine energy and shakti is yin or feminine energy. Either energy on its own in the individual has its issues. The yin alone can make a man addicted to the lusts of the world, aids in developing manipulating capacities born out of self interests; whereas the yang alone can make a man too straightforward to survive in the world, also leads to intolerance to any kind of evils and a quite unforgiving nature. These imbalances in nature, happens when some chakras are blocked.

What causes the blocks in the yin or yang chakras? Yin is often blocked in overly religious people and yang is blocked in overly worldy people. Religion often leads to non acceptance of the world, ones sexuality etc and can lead to blocking of the lower chakras but as stated, the fall side is that it can make man unforgiving because of a denying of the worldly aspects like sex and self interest. On the other hand the lack of religious fear can make a man give in totally to the world and inturn blocks the upper chakras. It can make a man very adept at meeting selfish wishes by the use of manipulation, but with total lack of justice, and conscience.

Uniting of the forces leads to balance of divine strength with the powers of the world. With time and practice opening of the lower chakras in a person with an already opened yang, leads to tolerance, forgiveness, unconditional love and worldly tact as well. Whereas opening of the upper chakras in a person with higher yin, helps in reducing addictions, slavery to lusts, increases empathy, justice and fairness.

But this united energy is again a tool in our hands.The balance between Yin and Yang as stated before is dynamic, that is it is constantly changing. How do we balance it? We can consciously balance it by balancing our external focuses; by not getting too dragged into any one aspect of life.

That is if we find ourselves focused on instincts, we have to balance it with intellectual activites That is when a yin center is newly opened there might be an increased focus on worldly things which needs to be consciously balanced with the yang.

In fact we can understand which energy we have yet to open in us or use optimally, by analyzing either ourselves or our circumstances. Life's circumstances compliment our internal state. Our circumstances are the aids to any unopened or underused chakra. All things pass and so if we stand through the toughest circumstance without breaking, and focus on solutions, then it in turn can strengthen us.

In other words; when we are pulled down by difficulties, our inner resources can be pulled up. It can not only unlock the unopened centres of strength in us but also serve as opportunities to work with our newly opened energies and develop holistically. In a way we do create our circumstances and we can change our circumstance by changing from within towards balance. The more balanced we are the easier it is to maintain equanimity in all circumstances.


We know the Lord's prayer that Jesus gave us in which we implore to God saying “Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven”! God always intended earth to be a paradise! God intended each individual to be perfect and whole like Him and when we surrender to his will, he pushes us towards the perfection he wants in us slowly and surely!

We lost our paradise through disobedience, by giving in to the lower pulls and closing the upper pull when in fact we were intended to be balanced. Naturally the lower pull can be stronger and more overpowering and therefore the codes of conduct, the fear of God and hence obedience is required to maintain a balance of energies. Giving in forever to lower energies is the real hell a man creates for himself, which he realizes eventually but feels too trapped and addicted to get out of.

God intended earth and man to be like heaven which is only possible through obedience to the laws written in our hearts. Despite being conflicted in every moment, awareness of what is within and without can help us live each moment in a balanced union of the forces. These powers help the spirit to transcend the current level/plane of existence and be born fully into the spiritual realm while still living the earthly existence. All religions have given us codes of conduct which can replicate heaven on earth, God in man; but internal change and realization of this unity is required for human kind to bring about this heaven within and on earth.

It is in our power to make life and earth a pleasant journey, a heaven every moment and not merely a hell road to a destination called heaven. If that was not God's will as well then there would not have arrived incarnations or avatars to teach us ways to bring about the heaven on earth, to bring about equilibrium whenever there is too much of disequilibrium in the world energies. There would not have been a Jesus telling us “Do not let your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid”John 14:27.

We are not here on earth to live a deteriorated conflicted existence rather we are intended to overcome the world and be transformed into heavens within our beings.
“Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.” (Luke 17:21)

Arriving at Freedom (Equilibrium 7)

I was frantically searching, asking, looking for something. I didn’t know what because I probably was afraid of what I knew I would find. When we reach a long desired destination then we still by default go on searching. It’s like the dog who turns round this side and that side frantically many times before finally sitting down. Reaching the most important goal of life, feels like that; not able to accept that we have arrived, that we will have to search no more, go nowhere, sit now, ..for ever!?

So I decided that what I was searching, was a meditation that could lead to centering on oneself, to thoughtlessness, as thinking too much is the door to madness!.( But in my eyes “I AM thinking”, so was I searching how not to be me? How to put an end to myself? That was already disturbing my equilibrium!)

'What you are searching for is already there’. I usually take a book to read as I wait for my son's school bus. That day I grabbed a book in random, hurridly glanced at it: Oh no! J Krishnamurthy” It was one of a set of books my husband had brought months ago which I had abandoned after the first two pages. Titled “Beyond Violence” Something I had thought was beyond me! Shucks; no time to select another book, I thought and took the book anyway. At the stop I decided to read as I usually prefer..in random. And there it was! My husband had, as alway, brought to me the right book!

There it was the chapter- ”Meditation! To Meditate is to be Aware. It told me that one cannot stop thinking, but that one needs to distinguish thinking from awareness. To think is to use past memories and data to process current data. Thinking can breed pleasure and fear. Awareness on the other hand is seeing and comprehending the truth without judging, without fear, without pleasure.


It is difficult to write when you have to include the name Krishnamurthy. I will try anyway. Well, going by Krishnamurthy’s (ahem) ‘thoughts’ (He would have sneered at that word 'thoughts'!; by his ‘analysis’?, no he hates that word too, heck 'thoughts' it is!) I realize that in ‘awareness’ (the only word he seems to like…uh huh ‘like’?) there would be no conflict, no movement, just a standing still.

Do we know “no movement”? We only know movement! We know what the feeling is of 'conflict', of the pull to reach some where, or the polarity of good bad, right wrong, past future;a movement from what is, to what should be. But really, what is it to have reached the ultimate destination with nowhere to go? Can we handle what it is to have arrived. To arrive means ‘not trying to escape anything and not trying to move towards anything’.


This is a painting I made six or seven years ago describing which I wrote a poem in 2009.

Conflict

Dreams fly and soar,they are wings fluttering free
Truth grounds and floors,it is earth rooting me
Am I free am I rooted, or ‘conflict’ in entirety!

Oh the sky has its pull, but the earth has its hold
Yet mind is never still, though the past put in mould
Yes, there are the wishes....then there is the practicality!

I move to a future, then move back to a past
I am pulled, I am held, I am tearing apart
Oh I stop the striving, ‘Pull apart to a rarity!’

The light shines on me, but darkness doesn’t leave
In my hands there is joy, but inside there is grief
Bright.. the ideals, untouched...reality.
We are fed into a particular view from our childhood but reality seems different. So we are confused, we are in conflict; like the plant rooted by the earth and also reaching towards the sky. As long as we depend on something, as basic as the earth to stand on, as basic as beliefs, we are conflict. As long as we are searching for the sky, for understanding, we are conflict; for we stand on some beliefs which don't free the mind as it strives towards freedom of thought. As long as we are thinking we are conflict as we are interpreting ‘what is to know’ according to our limited collected “what we know”. How can we learn just to observe with freedom, to be aware, to be free of conflict even as we walk through this mysterious journey of life?


'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me' Psalm 23;4 seems very comforting. How beautiful I used to think to be shepherded by The Lord to the destination. But infact this verse 4 in the psalm 23, also means a path of darkness, and possibilities of straying and so descipling, using the rod and staff to keep the sheep, from wandering! It can mean a lot of pain when we don’t realize when to let go of a past and walk towards future.

I have seen that whenever I hold on to a place and do not want to leave it, everything I valued there quite visibly starts to deteriote and then I become more willing to leave it. Sometimes despite the signs we may still hold on until it becomes unbearably painful. Or when I run from something that I should confront, then I find I have only run into the same situations repeating, and I realize I have to stop running and confront. Rod and staff indeed!

I sometimes wish I shouldn’t want anything that the "Shepherd", the Lord doesn’t wish rather than be hit so painfully. But I also realise that to "let go" has a certain strengthening factor, it develops independence, to enjoy the grass and yet leave when the rod gently taps. With time trust also develops; that this tap is for my good. The tap then becomes comforting, a sigh that I am watched over. Learning thus not to become dependent on any pleasure, learning to enjoy the new path, trusting the shepherd to know the right way and letting go with that faith over any personal desires.

When we let go with faith, some day we realize what we were looking for we already have, for what we look for comes with us, travels with us just as we travel with the Lord and leave everything our dreams our wishes with trust in him. 'My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.' John 10:27 What is really ours is always with us and is never separated by birth, death,or eons.

Could the moment of trust be a destination? But what is the feeling of having arrived at the destination and having nowhere to go, nothing to pursue.How do we recognize it and what happens after? Where to from nowhere! ? Would we be frantically looking this side and that side, turning round and round, not sure how to sit down! Could Krishnamurthy help us sit?


From Krishnamurthy what I basically take away is the intent to free each moment from the past experience and the future experience and arrive at the present experience. I know all intellectuals say that but he explained why we hold on to a past or move towards a future we would like. And why even love as we understand is in fact violence!. According to him it is fear that makes us hold to past pleasurable experiences because we are afraid of losing it, we want to recreate it in our future Love brings pleasure and the dependence for pleasure and then this pleasure brings the fear of losing it, it brings in the violence of jealousy. These are thus all interconnected. Love and violence are the same energy, the energy of division. A movement from what is to what is wanted, desired.

He gave a very powerful example, simply stated; If we saw a wild animal say a lion, we recognize it as danger and would we not as a result try to get away from it? In the same way if we really saw that love is in fact violence, a danger, we would not want it anymore!

Krishnamurthy takes repeated readings to understand intellectually. It takes many more days to understand experientially. It takes confronting. We have to confront our fears or pleasure (if u confront one you are confronting the other too!). Lets confront then - If my thoughts are producing fear, it means I am running away from something? What? Loneliness? Let me look at all around me, Is anybody going to stay with me for ever and ever. I will die, they will die. Then? I, my spirit is alone, all are alone. Nobody carries anything or anybody.

How long will any person be with you can you tell? Who can u say will be with you for ever and ever as long as ur spirit is? Not any earthly body surely.

I accept loneliness as the truth of me, of all mankind. Nobody is there for anybody eternally! That is what I knew and was running away from, afraid of accepting. There is nothing to what is generally called love and togetherness!
When I finally confronted, I felt liberated, joyful. I am lonely! (yeahee) I had feared I would be shattered by the truth that was knocking at my consciousness for acknowledgement for a long long time. "Confronting" I realized is the process that helps move from 'thought' to 'awareness'! The worst moment is just before we confront our fear. The truth on the other hand, is indeed liberating. The truth made my heart laugh in its realization! Everything there is, is just me. My whole universe is me, for ever and ever and ever! I am complete in myself?! Life is ephemeral, everything any man may seek, love, fame, success is all ephemeral; then why seek it? Seek something that is for ever and ever and ever. Seek the self, one's own eternal soul, one's own only companion.

Filling our life with love is evading the truth of our completeness, by ignorance we see completeness as loneliness and so we try to fill our lives with love as an attempt at running away from the truth and then this love brings in fear of losing it (it never was a part of 'everlasting' and our heart knew it), that brings in efforts to preserve it, brings in jealous anger.

The escape from this lion, towards freedom is only in confronting the truth that love and togetherness is a lie. That nobody can be there for anybody for ever. We are our own universe .

Loving is merely loving oneself, but centering on oneself is not selfishness.When we realize that nobody can be there for us, we have only one option, of being there for others. Devoid of the need for another, the need for pleasure, the need for words, comfort, support, such a complete person relates to others in fact in a much better way, ‘without expectations’. When our cup is full, it flows out, when we arrive, we become the channel. Jesus said “I am the way”.When we become fully aware to Jesus, as he shepherds us, we arrive. When we arrive, 'sitting down' means becoming the way, the passage, the channel for the Divine Love that is the Shepherd Jesus.
There is that lovely Hymn “Make me a channel?

The last stanza
“ Make me a Channel of your peace.
It is in forgiving that we are forgiven
In giving to all that we receive
And in dying that we are born to eternal life”

Whatever you do to others good or bad, you do to yourself. Don’t we see, If we cannot forgive ourselves small things, we cannot tolerate others either. When we can forgive others big things we can forgive ourselves too. When we support we get support by default, two people holding each other. When we see no purpose to anything in the world, we stop pursuing, we arrive. When we rise above our fears, give up that which we think is a requirement for our happiness, we get happiness, the freedom from fear. When we give up searching, we find, the truth alights on us. When we embrace the sorrow we are running from we are freed of it. Giving up the ephemeral world, we get freed of its conflict and gain the eternal self. When we are neither held to the ground nor trying to reach the sky, when we are as blank as the space, we are free. When we desire not this way, nor that, we are free of the pull on either side. When we stop resisting, stop reaching out, when we are still, we arrive.

We then live not in some expectation some hope. We embrace each moment as a new gift without the burden of the past or of the future. When we accept our loneliness we are complete. Its in turning in, centering in onself, embracing ourself, that we embrace all