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Sunday, November 18, 2012

The Incomparable Factor called FRIENDSHIP


As I entered the college auditorium, there was an extempore going on. The topic was friendship; such a simple yet difficult to explain kind of topic that I wondered what I would have spoken? 

A friend – brings to mind someone who cares, who respects, who understands, who wants our company and whose company we enjoy as well. Someone on whom we have no rights, who is a separate individual but we come together to share some moments of togetherness.

 Its years since initial college. What happens when we meet those friends from those college times?  I feel it like time travel. We travel back to those times, those little moments shared together. The dancing on the hostel bed and getting caught in the act by the warden. The trip to the lake with a friend a day before an exam, a song someone sung loudly  in the library; even the fun we shared in the “introduction sessions”; the teasing, the laughs, the smiles. We suddenly realize how little moments have in fact not been forgotten but were etched into the memory to be brought out unexpectedly when we connect with the people from those times. Connecting again to the fun, the excitement, the new kind of joys of college years that we traveled together.

That’s what friends hold. They often represent the memories and the experiences, the lessons of the times.  The advantage of friendship is that it is neither a too close relationship nor a too distant one and so the mutual expression and expectations are on a mean, neither too little nor too much. While close relationships of family and love relationships have their own value, these may hold a lot of expectations and demands attached, that can in fact make for each individual's burden! It is friendships again, that aid in carrying these burdens...of earning, of succeeding, of managing a home perfectly and efficiently and so on. Such little comforts of sharing are what friendships provide.

Can you share ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING with your family? Since family is so close, they are often affected by what we have to reveal. But often there are friends we can share anything with, without causing them discomfort or arousing any possessiveness or anger.  In fact, a good friend can be a better listener than even a counselor who hardly knows you.

Also, family may take us for granted. The closer we get, as in a love  relationship, the baggage of old relationship, personal issues, hidden facets all are more and more expressed, and the result is that often close relations become more a challenge than a joy. Not that close relationships cannot become a joy, but it is only possible when they have the right amount of friendship factor added to it, that is, enough closeness and enough distance that prevents the disease called “taking for granted”. In other words, it’s important to be friend first in every relationship, remembering that no matter what the relationship, we can't own anybody; it helps to truly care, no matter what is shared or expressed.

I read recently that in a study it was found that it is not success, it is not relationships or even religion which contributes most to the happiness quotient of any individual, rather it is true friendships.  I could really agree to that! Friendship, a relationship with the right amount of closeness and the right amount of distance is an equilibrium relationship and so no doubt is incomparable.

There... I have finally spoken, on what I began considering years ago, listening to an extempore, on the  incomparable relationship- friendship!

22 comments:

Green Speck said...

Friendship is what we all need ... life can't be worth living without friends :-)

The Purple Assassin. said...

I feel like, this time of my life should be permanently frozen.. college.. this is more than everything I needed.
You're soo right about it..! Friends are like so much of everything.. mother father sister brother lover even the pet..all in one!

Jerly said...

Thanks Green Speck and Purple Assassin; yeah indeed they can often be everything rolled into one...even a pet! :D !!
And indeed life feels dull and meaningless without a loving friend to share it with

Rimly Bezbarua said...

I totally agree with you Jerly. I have some wonderful friends without whom life would not have been easy. These are people who have been friends for more than twenty years.

http://rimlybezbaruah.blogspot.in/2012/11/sometimes-i-wish.html

Rahul Bhatia said...

Could'nt agree with you more Jerly. True friends are a life time asset:)

deeps said...

this one now reminds me of my college days as well...
me came out with this stuff:

http://www.hindu.com/edu/2005/09/05/stories/2005090500620400.htm

Dangerous Linda said...

hmmm...thought provoking...

i don't really differentiate between family, friends and lovers as far as closeness and distance. i agree with you that too much possessiveness is toxic to any relationship. i am pretty much the same person no matter who i'm with, i think...

Martha J. M. Orlando said...

Beautiful reflection on the nature of friendship, Jerly! I do think that the marriages which do the best are those based not just on love, but on friendship as well. I know that Danny is my best friend with whom I can share anything, and that gives me peace in my heart and my soul.
Blessings to you and thanks for this marvelous post!

FherYmas said...

For good times and bad times, I'll be on your side forevermore, that's what friends are for. Hahaha. That song, truly says it all.
You're right, friendship represents memories and experiences.
We can read in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Therefore, God knew we need each other. As the saying goes, No man is an island.
Love this My dearest friend Jerly.

JASMINA said...

It's my first time on this blog,so hi there Jerly :o)!
I agree with everything you wrote,yet in my opinion the most important thing is to be your own best friend.At least this is the way I can manage all the various relationships.
Recently I also wrote about friends.If you're interested,you can read my post here :

http://gelsominastar.blogspot.com/2012/10/some-friends-comesome-friends-gosome.html

I must say I'd be very interested in your opinion :)...

Bye :)!

Galen Pearl said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. I'm now following yours. Love the concept of your book, and I'm intrigued. Lovely post here. I have been blessed with close friends, although my two closest friends over the years have drifted away, in spite of my efforts to stay close. I'm sad about that, but grateful for the dear friends I do have.

Jovy Thomas said...

Beautiful post. :) I too agree to the fact that close relationships can become a joy when they have the right amount of friendship factor added to it.

Jerly said...

Thank U all my dear friends for dropping by and sharing ur love for this vital bond of friendship

Monu Awalla said...

Now this i call truly a rgt blend of description on d topic called friendship which is very simple to feel yet very tough to put in words. u were, i guess, totally inside the crux of the topic. i have never come across such a wonderful, sweet, cute & true definition of friendship.

lovely article.. bookmarked it!

:) <----FRIENDSHIP----> (:

Manjulika pramod said...

Friendship is beautiful... :)
Friends are like a breath of fresh air for a lifetime..
Nice blog.

Zunnur said...

Hi Jerly,

I agree with you, friendship is something unique. We share different things and in different ways with friends compared to family members. However, I think husbands and wives can become best friends in some cases when elements of friendship are woven together in their relationship, but they would certainly need friends around them for other things.

deeps said...

college days... wonderful time ha?
it is then i began publishing my writings in News papers n magazines...
that 'friendship' one was a much appreciated one by everyone as can be imagined..
one topic that has takers all over, any time :P

Jerly said...

Thanks Monu my critic friend; I am happy u loved this so much!

Welcome to the blog Manjulika and Zunnur and for sharing ur views with all of us here.

Thanks again Deeps liked the article u shared


Irfanuddin said...

So true.....agree totally with you on this....:)

vinay said...

A beautiful post. :)
Life without friends is not a life worth living for.

Jerly said...

Thanks Irfanuddin :)

Yeah Vinay I think so too!

deepak kripal said...

Friends are for ever..

Nice post..

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