The Duality Game

Some philosophical thoughts were stirred up as I watched the movie 'Jumanji'. It is about two kids who start playing a mysterious board game in which the consequences were very real! Disasters and creatures were unleashed on them. Running away from the game made them suffer with the consequences for 26 long years of physical/ emotional wandering, until two other kids who moved in, carried the game to its conclusion.

The rule of the Game (that the first pair hadn't read) had been that all the demons unleashed with each throw of the dice could only be reversed if the game was ended by reaching its home and by calling out JUMANJI. 

And so when the game ended, the two kids who started the game did come back to the same year and same age as when they had sat for the game; but there  was a difference, that they were wiser than their age had been...

Isn't that how life is! We can run away and hide from what our actions lead our life into but it won't remedy the consequences...won't put back the demons we nonetheless unleashed. But if we make an effort to face our circumstances or brickbats or whatever; if we do our very best and survive through to the end, to our lives very end we would have truly concluded the game of life successfully. And moreover we would be a wiser soul for having played the game and competently! 

 "So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy". John 16: 22. This is the way Jesus,  has called us home.

The world we live in, is the game and the world we are called to, is our home. That is the duality of our soul's existence. 

Every duality has a divide, a barrier of differences and every duality has a pulling force as well, that seeks to end the divide. Something like the longing for home for the man out on a journey...or the longing for love, as with the duality of man and woman. 

The divine consciousness forms a duality when it has existence in its creation. This division is into two poles which has a mutual pull that tries to end the divide. 

It is the pulling force of love, the longing for home..... the call to be whole again. 

The rule then, is to be strong and hold on; to hope, faith and love till the very end....

  

Paradise----Heaven on Earth

Man is said to be made in the image of the Cosmic Purusha (Cosmic Man). There are said to be seven Lokas or worlds and man therefore is made similarly with seven chakras.

Chakras are pools of energy in our bodies which govern our qualities. There are said to be seven main chakras in all; four in our upper body ( the crown chakra(sahastra), the third eye chakra, The throat chakra, the heart chakra), which govern our mind (yang); and three in the lower body (the solar plexus chakra, the sacral chakra, the root chakra) which govern our instincts (yin).

Kundalini energy is the Goddess, Earth, Mother, Shakti, the universal yin or Earth Chi within all of us. This energy is drawn up through the feet and through the lower chakras.

It awaits the Union with God, Spirit, Father, Shiva, universal Yang or Heaven Chi which collects in the body through the Crown chakra (sahasra) located at the center of the top of the head. This point through which Heaven chi enters the body, is the place of transcendent consciousness or true Self.

When the dark negative force called kundalini or yin is taken to the Sahasra and when it is united with the light, the positive, the yang, the seeker attains the perfect stillness or samadhi. This union of energies when maintained in equilibrium can bring in man the qualities of equanimity and unconditional love.

This concept is not different from Christian beliefs. In Christianity the Christ is said to be the head and the world is the body, his bride.The new testament asserts that "we are many parts of one body". We are the bride awaiting the union with our bridegroom the Christ! All concepts are intertwined and in fact are one in spirit. How have different people, cultures and different religions spoken in different words about the same phenomenon? Obviously, where science cannot go, the opened heart goes, and it can be trusted to have come back with the right answers! That is how all people spread apart speak the same thing.

It can be seen that the relation of the human head and body is in similarity to the relation between God and creation.The microcosm is evidently in the image of the Macrocosm.

The undivided infinite Brahma on the other hand is pure consciousness. Creation happens when the undivided separates into a polarity of yin yang, positive negative, night day, light dark. And so creation is not possible without this division or conflict. That is why all life form feels this double pull, this conflict which separates us from our true undivided identity.

The yin in our body pulls down towards the earth and the yang energy in our body moves upwards. When these oppositly spiraling forces converge, unite in an individual, he is able to escape this polarity more and more through inward focus.

The yang and the yin energies spiral in the body in concentric circles and the converging of these opposite spirals at the central point can be represented as infinity. Infinity represents equilibrium or unity, the balance between male and female forces.The union is experienced and described as a feeling of bliss. Being a dynamic equilibrium, this union or infinity needs to be repeatedly balanced by awareness (Infinity though is the ultimate destination,is in flux and so is required to be kept in balance by awareness).

When this union happens we are more aware of the pure consciousness within the very centre of these converging spirals. When we focus into this pure consciousness, bring awareness to the very centre of the spiral, the point of infinity; the pairs of opposites vanishes completely which is felt as a stillness. When we seek answers in this state, the answers are reflected on our mind just as as the moon is reflected clearly in still waters. The stiller the mind, the more centered; the clearer the picture.


Though the yang is centred in the head and the yin in the body, yet if any chakras are not open the other chakras can compensate. For example though the right and left brains have different functions still when the right brain is damaged in some accident it has been noted that the left can take over many of its functions and vice versa. Similarly when lower chakras are blocked, the chakras in head can compensate for yin as well. That is each incomplete unit can be complete too!

In fact everything in the universe is such that each microcosm can be the image of the whole macrocosm. This means that the macrocosm called heaven is not merely the destination, it can be there in each microcosm called a human maintained in a fluctuating equilibrium, quite like how the whole of universe is!

Ideally, from the smallest unit to the biggest everything should become complete, and each microcosm has to be united to the macrocosm.

What happens when there is imbalance of energy? Shiva is yang, or can be called masculine energy and shakti is yin or feminine energy. Either energy on its own in the individual has its issues. The yin alone can make a man addicted to the lusts of the world, aids in developing manipulating capacities born out of self interests; whereas the yang alone can make a man too straightforward to survive in the world, also leads to intolerance to any kind of evils and a quite unforgiving nature. These imbalances in nature, happens when some chakras are blocked.

What causes the blocks in the yin or yang chakras? Yin is often blocked in overly religious people and yang is blocked in overly worldy people. Religion often leads to non acceptance of the world, ones sexuality etc and can lead to blocking of the lower chakras but as stated, the fall side is that it can make man unforgiving because of a denying of the worldly aspects like sex and self interest. On the other hand the lack of religious fear can make a man give in totally to the world and inturn blocks the upper chakras. It can make a man very adept at meeting selfish wishes by the use of manipulation, but with total lack of justice, and conscience.

Uniting of the forces leads to balance of divine strength with the powers of the world. With time and practice opening of the lower chakras in a person with an already opened yang, leads to tolerance, forgiveness, unconditional love and worldly tact as well. Whereas opening of the upper chakras in a person with higher yin, helps in reducing addictions, slavery to lusts, increases empathy, justice and fairness.

But this united energy is again a tool in our hands.The balance between Yin and Yang as stated before is dynamic, that is it is constantly changing. How do we balance it? We can consciously balance it by balancing our external focuses; by not getting too dragged into any one aspect of life.

That is if we find ourselves focused on instincts, we have to balance it with intellectual activites That is when a yin center is newly opened there might be an increased focus on worldly things which needs to be consciously balanced with the yang.

In fact we can understand which energy we have yet to open in us or use optimally, by analyzing either ourselves or our circumstances. Life's circumstances compliment our internal state. Our circumstances are the aids to any unopened or underused chakra. All things pass and so if we stand through the toughest circumstance without breaking, and focus on solutions, then it in turn can strengthen us.

In other words; when we are pulled down by difficulties, our inner resources can be pulled up. It can not only unlock the unopened centres of strength in us but also serve as opportunities to work with our newly opened energies and develop holistically. In a way we do create our circumstances and we can change our circumstance by changing from within towards balance. The more balanced we are the easier it is to maintain equanimity in all circumstances.


We know the Lord's prayer that Jesus gave us in which we implore to God saying “Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven”! God always intended earth to be a paradise! God intended each individual to be perfect and whole like Him and when we surrender to his will, he pushes us towards the perfection he wants in us slowly and surely!

We lost our paradise through disobedience, by giving in to the lower pulls and closing the upper pull when in fact we were intended to be balanced. Naturally the lower pull can be stronger and more overpowering and therefore the codes of conduct, the fear of God and hence obedience is required to maintain a balance of energies. Giving in forever to lower energies is the real hell a man creates for himself, which he realizes eventually but feels too trapped and addicted to get out of.

God intended earth and man to be like heaven which is only possible through obedience to the laws written in our hearts. Despite being conflicted in every moment, awareness of what is within and without can help us live each moment in a balanced union of the forces. These powers help the spirit to transcend the current level/plane of existence and be born fully into the spiritual realm while still living the earthly existence. All religions have given us codes of conduct which can replicate heaven on earth, God in man; but internal change and realization of this unity is required for human kind to bring about this heaven within and on earth.

It is in our power to make life and earth a pleasant journey, a heaven every moment and not merely a hell road to a destination called heaven. If that was not God's will as well then there would not have arrived incarnations or avatars to teach us ways to bring about the heaven on earth, to bring about equilibrium whenever there is too much of disequilibrium in the world energies. There would not have been a Jesus telling us “Do not let your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid”John 14:27.

We are not here on earth to live a deteriorated conflicted existence rather we are intended to overcome the world and be transformed into heavens within our beings.
“Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.” (Luke 17:21)

Arriving at Freedom (Equilibrium 7)

I was frantically searching, asking, looking for something. I didn’t know what because I probably was afraid of what I knew I would find. When we reach a long desired destination then we still by default go on searching. It’s like the dog who turns round this side and that side frantically many times before finally sitting down. Reaching the most important goal of life, feels like that; not able to accept that we have arrived, that we will have to search no more, go nowhere, sit now, ..for ever!?

So I decided that what I was searching, was a meditation that could lead to centering on oneself, to thoughtlessness, as thinking too much is the door to madness!.( But in my eyes “I AM thinking”, so was I searching how not to be me? How to put an end to myself? That was already disturbing my equilibrium!)

'What you are searching for is already there’. I usually take a book to read as I wait for my son's school bus. That day I grabbed a book in random, hurridly glanced at it: Oh no! J Krishnamurthy” It was one of a set of books my husband had brought months ago which I had abandoned after the first two pages. Titled “Beyond Violence” Something I had thought was beyond me! Shucks; no time to select another book, I thought and took the book anyway. At the stop I decided to read as I usually prefer..in random. And there it was! My husband had, as alway, brought to me the right book!

There it was the chapter- ”Meditation! To Meditate is to be Aware. It told me that one cannot stop thinking, but that one needs to distinguish thinking from awareness. To think is to use past memories and data to process current data. Thinking can breed pleasure and fear. Awareness on the other hand is seeing and comprehending the truth without judging, without fear, without pleasure.


It is difficult to write when you have to include the name Krishnamurthy. I will try anyway. Well, going by Krishnamurthy’s (ahem) ‘thoughts’ (He would have sneered at that word 'thoughts'!; by his ‘analysis’?, no he hates that word too, heck 'thoughts' it is!) I realize that in ‘awareness’ (the only word he seems to like…uh huh ‘like’?) there would be no conflict, no movement, just a standing still.

Do we know “no movement”? We only know movement! We know what the feeling is of 'conflict', of the pull to reach some where, or the polarity of good bad, right wrong, past future;a movement from what is, to what should be. But really, what is it to have reached the ultimate destination with nowhere to go? Can we handle what it is to have arrived. To arrive means ‘not trying to escape anything and not trying to move towards anything’.


This is a painting I made six or seven years ago describing which I wrote a poem in 2009.

Conflict

Dreams fly and soar,they are wings fluttering free
Truth grounds and floors,it is earth rooting me
Am I free am I rooted, or ‘conflict’ in entirety!

Oh the sky has its pull, but the earth has its hold
Yet mind is never still, though the past put in mould
Yes, there are the wishes....then there is the practicality!

I move to a future, then move back to a past
I am pulled, I am held, I am tearing apart
Oh I stop the striving, ‘Pull apart to a rarity!’

The light shines on me, but darkness doesn’t leave
In my hands there is joy, but inside there is grief
Bright.. the ideals, untouched...reality.
We are fed into a particular view from our childhood but reality seems different. So we are confused, we are in conflict; like the plant rooted by the earth and also reaching towards the sky. As long as we depend on something, as basic as the earth to stand on, as basic as beliefs, we are conflict. As long as we are searching for the sky, for understanding, we are conflict; for we stand on some beliefs which don't free the mind as it strives towards freedom of thought. As long as we are thinking we are conflict as we are interpreting ‘what is to know’ according to our limited collected “what we know”. How can we learn just to observe with freedom, to be aware, to be free of conflict even as we walk through this mysterious journey of life?


'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me' Psalm 23;4 seems very comforting. How beautiful I used to think to be shepherded by The Lord to the destination. But infact this verse 4 in the psalm 23, also means a path of darkness, and possibilities of straying and so descipling, using the rod and staff to keep the sheep, from wandering! It can mean a lot of pain when we don’t realize when to let go of a past and walk towards future.

I have seen that whenever I hold on to a place and do not want to leave it, everything I valued there quite visibly starts to deteriote and then I become more willing to leave it. Sometimes despite the signs we may still hold on until it becomes unbearably painful. Or when I run from something that I should confront, then I find I have only run into the same situations repeating, and I realize I have to stop running and confront. Rod and staff indeed!

I sometimes wish I shouldn’t want anything that the "Shepherd", the Lord doesn’t wish rather than be hit so painfully. But I also realise that to "let go" has a certain strengthening factor, it develops independence, to enjoy the grass and yet leave when the rod gently taps. With time trust also develops; that this tap is for my good. The tap then becomes comforting, a sigh that I am watched over. Learning thus not to become dependent on any pleasure, learning to enjoy the new path, trusting the shepherd to know the right way and letting go with that faith over any personal desires.

When we let go with faith, some day we realize what we were looking for we already have, for what we look for comes with us, travels with us just as we travel with the Lord and leave everything our dreams our wishes with trust in him. 'My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.' John 10:27 What is really ours is always with us and is never separated by birth, death,or eons.

Could the moment of trust be a destination? But what is the feeling of having arrived at the destination and having nowhere to go, nothing to pursue.How do we recognize it and what happens after? Where to from nowhere! ? Would we be frantically looking this side and that side, turning round and round, not sure how to sit down! Could Krishnamurthy help us sit?


From Krishnamurthy what I basically take away is the intent to free each moment from the past experience and the future experience and arrive at the present experience. I know all intellectuals say that but he explained why we hold on to a past or move towards a future we would like. And why even love as we understand is in fact violence!. According to him it is fear that makes us hold to past pleasurable experiences because we are afraid of losing it, we want to recreate it in our future Love brings pleasure and the dependence for pleasure and then this pleasure brings the fear of losing it, it brings in the violence of jealousy. These are thus all interconnected. Love and violence are the same energy, the energy of division. A movement from what is to what is wanted, desired.

He gave a very powerful example, simply stated; If we saw a wild animal say a lion, we recognize it as danger and would we not as a result try to get away from it? In the same way if we really saw that love is in fact violence, a danger, we would not want it anymore!

Krishnamurthy takes repeated readings to understand intellectually. It takes many more days to understand experientially. It takes confronting. We have to confront our fears or pleasure (if u confront one you are confronting the other too!). Lets confront then - If my thoughts are producing fear, it means I am running away from something? What? Loneliness? Let me look at all around me, Is anybody going to stay with me for ever and ever. I will die, they will die. Then? I, my spirit is alone, all are alone. Nobody carries anything or anybody.

How long will any person be with you can you tell? Who can u say will be with you for ever and ever as long as ur spirit is? Not any earthly body surely.

I accept loneliness as the truth of me, of all mankind. Nobody is there for anybody eternally! That is what I knew and was running away from, afraid of accepting. There is nothing to what is generally called love and togetherness!
When I finally confronted, I felt liberated, joyful. I am lonely! (yeahee) I had feared I would be shattered by the truth that was knocking at my consciousness for acknowledgement for a long long time. "Confronting" I realized is the process that helps move from 'thought' to 'awareness'! The worst moment is just before we confront our fear. The truth on the other hand, is indeed liberating. The truth made my heart laugh in its realization! Everything there is, is just me. My whole universe is me, for ever and ever and ever! I am complete in myself?! Life is ephemeral, everything any man may seek, love, fame, success is all ephemeral; then why seek it? Seek something that is for ever and ever and ever. Seek the self, one's own eternal soul, one's own only companion.

Filling our life with love is evading the truth of our completeness, by ignorance we see completeness as loneliness and so we try to fill our lives with love as an attempt at running away from the truth and then this love brings in fear of losing it (it never was a part of 'everlasting' and our heart knew it), that brings in efforts to preserve it, brings in jealous anger.

The escape from this lion, towards freedom is only in confronting the truth that love and togetherness is a lie. That nobody can be there for anybody for ever. We are our own universe .

Loving is merely loving oneself, but centering on oneself is not selfishness.When we realize that nobody can be there for us, we have only one option, of being there for others. Devoid of the need for another, the need for pleasure, the need for words, comfort, support, such a complete person relates to others in fact in a much better way, ‘without expectations’. When our cup is full, it flows out, when we arrive, we become the channel. Jesus said “I am the way”.When we become fully aware to Jesus, as he shepherds us, we arrive. When we arrive, 'sitting down' means becoming the way, the passage, the channel for the Divine Love that is the Shepherd Jesus.
There is that lovely Hymn “Make me a channel?

The last stanza
“ Make me a Channel of your peace.
It is in forgiving that we are forgiven
In giving to all that we receive
And in dying that we are born to eternal life”

Whatever you do to others good or bad, you do to yourself. Don’t we see, If we cannot forgive ourselves small things, we cannot tolerate others either. When we can forgive others big things we can forgive ourselves too. When we support we get support by default, two people holding each other. When we see no purpose to anything in the world, we stop pursuing, we arrive. When we rise above our fears, give up that which we think is a requirement for our happiness, we get happiness, the freedom from fear. When we give up searching, we find, the truth alights on us. When we embrace the sorrow we are running from we are freed of it. Giving up the ephemeral world, we get freed of its conflict and gain the eternal self. When we are neither held to the ground nor trying to reach the sky, when we are as blank as the space, we are free. When we desire not this way, nor that, we are free of the pull on either side. When we stop resisting, stop reaching out, when we are still, we arrive.

We then live not in some expectation some hope. We embrace each moment as a new gift without the burden of the past or of the future. When we accept our loneliness we are complete. Its in turning in, centering in onself, embracing ourself, that we embrace all

The Controls for Equilibrium (Equilibrium 6)

It is important to know what are the pitfalls possible in a spiritual search and the pitfalls are to be studied in the seekers who visibily faltered. I was really impressed by some of Osho Rajneesh’s teachings that I found in the net. I saw a discourse by Osho on dance meditation, in which he says (in essence) that spiritual experience can be achieved through dancing (after meditation) where we build up our energy , spiral it up to a climax, an experience similar to orgasm; and as we stop we draw in that energy into us, we let it engulf us, descend down upon us, into us. He spoke elsewhere that perversions arose when one indulged in desires in mind rather than in real life, and he seemed to be much against perversions from what I could gather. Then what happened? Why and how did he go so wrong as to become just a manipulator and not a real practitioner of his teachings. I read that he amassed wealth, had strange fears, wanted to be known as enlightened above all others, became a slave to desires instead of being liberated from them.

Osho believed in spontaneity and allowed each person in his gathering to follow his or her spontaneous mind. He encouraged indulging in desires and other tendencies like anger, violence, etc and believed it to be the way to be free from them. Is there really such a path? J. Krishnamurthi advocates becoming aware of one’s feelings and emotions as a witness and not suppressing them. But he does not at the same time mean deliberately indulging in them. It means that if emotions come, 'accept' them (rather than suppressing or denying them), it does not mean 'act' on them.

Spiritual experiences are possible with an external aid like a sexual partner. Tantra advocates meditating before and after sex, to use the high energy state arrived through sex to connect with the higher powers.(a corollary is that, if the high energy state is not pulled up through meditation to clear the whole channel, then the lower chakras may gain over activity and make a man more and more lustful and worldly. I would even say it is very important to meditate post sex to remain a balanced personality) Sometimes even drugs are taken to initiate into the spiritual highs. But these paths if not carried with right minds have the dangers of making you dependent on them for your experiences.These paths may lead one to explore only the highs and forget about the reason for having reached the high, that was to invoke and connect to the higher power. When the purpose becomes the "high" it can become an obsession and instead of liberating, it can make one a slave of such highs. This is a very tender area and definitely not for all, as its path is beset with dangers of becoming perverted especially when explored in a group. In fact, many of Osho’s followers have been known to have become desperate to keep the “highs’.

On the other hand, the path of detachment and turning inwards is free of such dependencies, but detachment as an approach for the beginning seeker can often lead to disinterest in life or depression. So to avoid the dangers of both, the midway of cyclic attachment and detachment can be practiced by a beginner.  The cyclic approach also has the advantage of never loosing sight of the objective, of achieving that equilibrium state where the internal powers are opened up and sustained to the optimum.

Nuclear power if harnessed with necessary controls gives us usable energy whereas uncontrolled it leads to explosion and destruction of everything that had been intended to benefit from the energy. By the same token, if the spiritual search is carried out in a controlled way, it leads to drawing in of controlled energy and leads to spiritual growth, but if we pursue it without the necessary controls, there are dangers of affecting the mind negatively, like becoming incoherent, antisocial, perverted, depressed or even an extent of madness.

Osho was also known to be proud of his so called awake state and was self promoting. Osho’s teachings(not all his words) that I have read indeed seem sound. It is said, however, that his teachings are actually influenced by lot of other philosophers. That is possible and, realistically speaking, is not a matter of concern. Where things go wrong is when there is lack of faith and practice of one's own words. Faith in one’s own words or any teaching can come only when it is an experiential understanding and not merely a read understanding.

While such experiences as Osho advocated are true and seem to have come through an experiential understanding, what went wrong, I would say, was his pride that there is nothing more to learn, that there is no more of “waking up” to happen. He faltered in his pride and disbelief in God. His pride made him conclude that he is awake and others are not, be it any other religious figure. In so doing he closed himself to lessons from the universe. If he had not closed himself to God he would not have blindly followed his theory of giving in to desires. If he had believed in God, a power that knows more, that knows all, then that humility and belief, would have led to the universal power directing his life in a way that he would have eventually learnt (and taught) that the path of exploring desires is to be matched by a phase of abstinence from desires to find the equilibrium where one no longer is slave to desires, parking eventually into the more stable and peaceful state.That if the path sought is of spontaneity, then it is a personal path to be practiced alone (with a requisite humble heart subject to a ‘higher’ God's will, phased with abstinence); and not in a group of varied minds where everybody’s spontaneity without any checks could lead to corruption of the susceptible and collective human minds.

Cleaning the mind of evil thoughts and pride, liberation from sins, faith in a God and lack of fear are the essential controls to not lose the equilibrium. This is an unavoidable first step before invoking the inner power. A group or gathering of seven days as of a Christian retreat involves first a reflecting on what are our sins and enables repentance. Next step is confession of sins and becoming clean and then the third step is invoking the spirit. In this the cleaning provides for the necessary controls to make the incoming energy beneficial for the growth of the spirit. Without this necessary cleansing, evil minds corrupt the energy by their negative intents. Even during the invocations, those who get filled with the spirit are protected by the priests with the drawing of the cross on the forehead. A faith in a protector and a consequent deliverance from fears is another necessary control to the search for the spiritual experience. Faith in a benevolent God is necessary as in a spiritual experience we are drawing in more of the spiritual connect into an instrument called the body which has its limitations which should be respected. It can only take a controlled amount of energy. An excess can damage its faculties. Faith and focus on God provides an absence of fear which is a vital control. These controls provide the necessary equilibrium inflow of energy and spirits without the damages that evil intents and fears can bring in.

But energy uncontrolled and set free to spontaneity and that too in a large gathering without an innate faith in a God, and a consequent excess of pride, is uncontrolled energy. This uncontrolled energy can be like a nuclear explosion in its aftermath. It can corrupt the human mind leading it to unreasonable fears and unaccountable acts, which is what happened eventually to Osho.

“Adhigam Amritam Vesham” An excess of good is evil. Therefore everything in moderation, including moderation”

“The Secret” called Duality. (Equilibrium 5)

My father in law kept saying every time we have met since the last two years, ‘Jerly get me notes or any explanations about the concept called duality’. He had given me a paper cutting but I grasped very little. Yin yang, light dark, good evil. So? I was not clear what he wanted to comprehend. Duality? I thought each time and left it at that. Two days ago in our train trip together, I was disproving his belief that ‘we wish circumstances into our life’. As I spoke out my arguements, he grasped duality! I realised that unknowingly I had been stressing to him about the truth to duality, the very thing he wanted to comprehend through me!

In the trip I gave him the book on “The Secret” power of belief, (that I had actually given him to read two years ago as well and both of us forgot!) telling him that belief power as given in the book is truth "but not the whole truth". Life had come full circle as we met again with the same book and brought in the same concept of duality that was enquired about when the book was first exchanged. I realized he had put in a question in my mind and my life circumstances had brought to me the answer over the ensuing years and even created a situation where I answered the question he had put to me! All unknowingly…

The "whole truth" as I can state it now in a word is ‘duality’- “there is positive in negative and negative in positive”.

As I completed reading the book “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne, just before I gave it two days ago to my father in law, I was thinking the same thing I thought when I began reading the book …in April 2010- 'Why would I wish for positive when there is so much to gain from negative in terms of growth, spiritually and as an individual?’ I had clean forgotton that I had reached this same conclusion before! But intuition pushed me today to read my own posts on EQUILIBRIUM for no real reason and I discovered that I was only rediscovering my own earlier thoughts. (It reminded me of the earlier exchange of the book that I had forgotton…)

“The Secret” says, “we create our lives by our thoughts, so think positive, believe that you have money, joy and all the good things in life and you will attract them. And if you have negative in life then you thought them into your life, so (moron) start thinking positive” 'The Secret' is written with the assumption that positives, like Money, Joy, Success are desirable whereas; negatives like Lack, Pain, Failure etc are undesirable. Why and how do we decide that Lack, Pain and Failure are undesirable?

(Karma and its consequences can be overcome by the power of belief in a saving God. But what about collective consciousness/ thoughts of a group of related people or whole humanity(remote past or present thoughts) which often is said to be responsible for the future events? An individual's positive thought may be drowned in a collective negative thought pattern, or vice versa. Moreover some future events can be devined in what is called premonition. It would bring in the question of whether the egg came first or the hen. All this is not incorporated in a simple 'belief = reality' equation of "The Secret".)

Honestly there is power in belief but where the “cut and paste” simple truth of ‘ positive thinking’ calling in the positive circumstances fails is…in answer to questions like, ‘ what when one asks for something like wisdom; what would you expect as circumstances in such a persons life?’ Wisdom is seldom encountered on the easy path, so if your souls yearning is wisdom then do not fret if your belief in so called “good things” in life is never fulfilled. Sometimes thinking and wishing for something positive can bring in negative as circumstances. One cannot gain wisdom by merely reading theories, one gains wisdom by reaching to the same conclusions in life. So as long as you have negativity in life use it, as it is your tool to the wisdom you were calling. (refer EQUILIBRIUM 1) And do not be troubled by “The Secret” blaming you for all the negatives in your life! You wished for happiness but your soul yearned more strongly and it yearned for wisdom. No book is complete in itself and depend on your intuition more than any book in the world be it scriptures (Refer chapter 2 The Thomases Road)

This world is a duality; there is a blessing in a curse and a curse in a blessing. Why should a man then bank on his own limited understanding of what is good for him? He should know that whatever he may get in life, can have an element of blessing in it. So he should rather pray “God, give to me in life that which you feel is good for me” And then if it is suffering then face it gladly for blessed is the man who trusts in the lord and all things work together for good of those that love God.

Some choose to be dull but happy while some choose to be wiser and bear the sorrows of being able to see the truth. Jesus chose to die on the cross, Mary chose to become a virgin mother and bear the sufferings from the role God was calling her to; keeping aside her own womanly dreams to fulfill the dreams of God. Some wish to live for the one who is their creator as nothing about the world attracts them to wish anything for themselves; or they love and trust God the creator above everything else, above their human minds wishes, above the so called positives in life.

This does not mean we cannot ask for what our human mind is asking. Jesus prayed to God “ Father, remove this cup (of suffering on the cross) from me; but not what I will but what You will(be done)” So like Jesus allow your physical self to ask whatever it hopes for and let your spiritual self draw what still it wishes to draw. For we are both the body and the spirit.

“Give to ceaser what is ceasers and give to god what is gods” We have to take care of our bodily needs alongside of taking care of our spiritual needs for we cannot ignore any aspect of our self. So believe in the power of thought and ask with your body and ask with your spirit…. and hope that both wishes could converge more often! And do not blame yourself thinking, "Oh I have not transmitted my wishes correctly, my transmitter is faulty for I am asking one thing and getting another” Those whose every little material wish is fulfilled, the chances are their transmitter is controlled only by the body whereas if your belief is not bringing things you asked for, the chances are, you as a body are controlled by a very powerful transmitter called your soul which selects that bodily wish which matches its own purpose of existing in the body. So wait patiently for God to reveal your reward, for with God’s rewards there is often delay and a test of patience.

Believe in the Secret surely but when things don’t go as per the secret power of belief believe in the duality. Negative is positive and positive is negative. Good is not in the positive or the negative, good is in the equilibrium, the midway between positive and negative which is optimum for growth of the duality that we are, the body and the spirit. So you could ask and pray most aptly for “healthy and flourishing Growth” , the very basic function and purpose of every life.

My father in law, my cotraveller in the search then agreed to all this, saying,” Sanmanas ollorku samadhanam” “the good in heart is at peace no matter what”

Clean Body, Clean Mind (Equilibrium 4)

I have concluded onto a midway to a spiritual existence, and called it 'Equilibrium'. It means knowing and living as the spiritual self without rejecting the physical self. Equilibrium is a balancing act which means not denying emotions but only distancing oneself from it (as a witness).

To elucidate I take an example from the earlier blog- love of someone leads to sorrow when the loved one departs. These (love or attachment and sorrow) are two sides of the same coin. To deny or disown sorrow is to hide it inside the body, which then shows up as emotional or physical diseases. To 'distance' from sorrow is to grieve without loosing awareness that the world is illusory and everything is just a play and we are acting a part. Reflect that actors have to feel the pain of the charecter to play the role well but they are always aware that they are not the charecter. On the other hand if they do not identify with the charecter they will spoil their role.

So also we have to be aware without spoiling the role we are playing. Also, without twists and turns a story is boring...so also life is boring without people to interact with, consequently differences, problems and solutions. Moreover it is the process of problem solving that leads to personal growth which is the noble purpose of life.

Equilibrium is therefore living a normal life, accepting the presence of emotions, be it negative like hate and jealousy, thinking through or discussing with someone close and thus respectively breaking down the negative emotions (detoxifying) or/and removing it(venting) whichever suits or is more helpful to the person. To maintain equilibrium this is a very crucial process of 'cleaning the body' of toxins or biproducts(bad emotions) and retaining the good produce(healthy and helpful conclusions) of every thinking process that each life event leads to.

Equilibrium may involve cycles or lets say "fluctuations from the mean" followed in response to the awareness that fluctuations are to accepted to eventually reach stability. Fluctuation could mean knowing when to act and when to let go. On another level it could mean cycles that is a period of attachment followed by detachment; a worldly phase intermittent to the spiritual phase etc in response to the awareness of one's self. Therefore equilibrium can be called a state of fluctuating mean. Though equilibrium is a rational and realistic approach and so a seemingly easy approach, it has its share of things to practice

1 Associate with events but find pockets of time to dissociate from them
2 Remember to smile and celebrate the differences and incompatibility with other people (even through the frowning), realizing that these are the catalysts to personal growth and are secrets to an interesting life; and being aware that an isolated life or life with clones of self would be so... boring......, to say the least
3 To express ones own mind and differences but then remember not to brood or bother about it. At some point say 'CUT' and 'can'(dissociate from) the shot.

Austerity Vs Equilibrium (equilibrium 3)

I have read by now four of the 'Nine Lives' by William Dalrymple. The very first one 'The Nun's tale' was very moving and disturbed me enough to want to blog down to organise my thought.

It is the tale of Prasannamati Mataji, a Jain Monk, who leaves her family and an easy life, in her teens and adopts the austere life of a Monk. One of the main principles of Jainism is to give up all attachment as attachment is suffering. And so she willingly gives up family, wealth, possessions, adopts fasting, walking barefoot, all this in an effort to shed the last attachment to the world... and yet unknowingly she forms one attachment with her friend and companion for 20 years (Jain nuns travel in pairs), Prayogamati. Her friend fell sick and took a ritual fast to death (Sallekhana) leaving Prasannamati Mataji terribly sad and lonely. In fact she cried at her death which is not allowed in jain monks! Later on she also decides to take Sallekhana...and even wonders about the possibility of meeting her friend in some future birth!(The aim of the austere life of Monks is to escape the world)


I have often been wonderstruck by the routine of the Jain monks specifically how they try to avoid harming all life forms and for that even fanning away insects before they place each step, covering their nose to avoid breathing in microorganisms, not travelling in vehicles as insects are killed under the impact of the tyres. I cannot help but consider it as consciously adopting the 'obsessive compulsive behaviour', in terms of non violence.

But ofcourse if adopting such an attitude helps to create a permanant state of compassion for all life...it might be worth it?

But then if compassion is desirable how can sorrow be undesirable? If the crushing of an insect under the feet did not bring sorrow, then there is no meaning to being compassionate and being particular about not destroying any life. And so I can't understand the logic behind encouraging love and compassion and discouraging sorrow and tears. Prasannamati mataji could have supressed her tears but would that mean she is not saddened by her friend's death whom she loved?

The Human system cannot be denied its existence. It has the luxury of experiencing all 'good' emotions and it comes with the price of being able to experience the so called bad emotions as well. It is just not possible to accept one and deny the other as they are two sides of the same coin.

Despite the Mataji's lifelong practice in austerity, living a life with no comforts, she unknowingly had the comfort of a good friend who could understand her and be a companion for 20 years. It reminds me of how the Titanic was made to be 'the unsinkable' but still found a reason to sink...

I cannot help but conclude that of all the various approaches to spirituality, the best way (or the most logical way) has to be the midway (equilibrium). Because, in the search of the spirit, is it really possible to ignore the life, the emotions that we are meant to experience.

We can at most understand ourselves as merely witness to the emotions, but can we really be without emotions...rather should we really be without emotions?

The spiritual cycle (Equilibrium 2)

I finally read the much heard about book, 'Men are from Mars and women are from Venus'. I wasn't really expecting to discover anything new but I was taken aback by how much I really didn't know!

Men have an intimacy cycle! That is they require periods of intimacy(with their partner) followed by periods of independence. Women get upset when men enter the independence phase (which is like going into a cave) thinking they must have done something wrong to make him want to be alone, and so try to prevent the man from going into this phase. But...they (women) don't realize that to again feel the need for intimacy men need their time out with their own self! Lack of periods of independence sort of contaminates their intimacy phase.

The book also says that women are like waves. When she does get a listening ear to express any (say) hurt feelings, she will in fact seem to get more upset until she hits the bottom of her wave(trough) and then her mood gets better and better and reaches normalcy(crest). But her issues may still not be resolved and in a few days her mood may again go down. This happens a few times before each issue is totally resolved and she can be centered again!

It is obvious from the above explanations, that without pulling away for a period, a man will only keep feeling a distance (from his partner), whereas without expressing her very lowest feelings in phases, a women can not hope for an eventual or total release from her troubling issues.

Reflecting on what I learnt from the book I realised that all things and beings in nature...'simply everything' has a cycle. Night day, ebb flow, heat rain, joy sorrow, life death....cycles are true for earth and for earthlings. But it still really amazed me to discover why men and women behave as they do. It is because ..like everything in nature, their behaviour is also governed by cycles! Obviously then, the right thing to do is allow all sorts of cyclic behaviors rather than resist them...until equilibrum (or centering) comes naturally.

It now becomes easier to understand the spiritual pull on human kind as well. The human being is both a body and a spirit. We have both, the pulling to be the body and the pull to be the spirit. And so it becomes clear (from above examples of the need to respect the different pulls or phases) that to experience growth in our spiritual self, it becomes just as much necessary for us to respect(allow/enjoy) our physical self (not just our spiritual self).

 If we don't allow ourselves to be Human we only end up contaminating our Spirituality as well. Take the simplest of examples- if a person in search of one's spiritual self (also called true self) does not retaliate to injustices (to self) like verbal insults; in an attempt to practice being spiritual (be without ego identification with the body), eventually his/her spirituality only gets contaminated, because the suppressed ego escapes into the spiritual practice! That is, rather than enjoy being the spirit, he/she would rather try to show off that, 'I am spiritual, I am above all your foolishness'! This is sneaky expression of Ego. Ninety percent of what he/she says will be Ego boosting (showing off) and ten percent 'could' be real spiritual content. That is, spiritual expression will also in disguise be only the very human... 'ego expression'.

And so, I am of the opinion that, the proper approach to spirituality is to let the need to be Human, the need to feel good about oneself ( about the body or Humanness) diminish at its own pace, with the spirit growing more and more in power by phases of total attention to spirituality(spirit) intermittent with attention to the ego (body) . And so..even spirituality is to be approached in its own turn on the cycle (by the beginning seeker)....And there is no need to fear the darker phases as the phase that is more fulfilling will always win eventually

Equilibrium

Part 1- Intro

I had been reading two books simultaneously, possibly because I wasn’t content with the concept of either. Both concepts are true in their own way but seem incomplete. One was about ‘letting go’ of our false self(emotions generated by body). It suggested the escape from troubling emotions by saying ‘I (higher self/soul/cosmic consciousness/true self) am not feeling this, my false self is feeling this. Also saying, ‘I(true self) don’t understand these feelings!

I really can't accept that because I believe that recognizing the inner self (higher self) should not require us to deny existence to our body! After all, the Higher self 'chose' to be in a body, then how can it totally ignore the existence of the body and its emotions!

The other book is about ‘the law of attraction’ It says that 'if we are feeling negative, we draw negative experiences. Therefore to bring all our desire’s to fulfillment, we should make sure we are always feeling good. Whenever we feel bad, we should shift to thinking something good so that we can feel good and draw good.' But then what about resolving issues that are making us feel negative! Moreover isn't it Life and often negative circumstances that lead the body, the false self, to search for better (lasting) or rather Higher solutions and so leads it to recognize the Higher self within. Why should then one prefer a particular circumstance over other? Rather one should let the body lead itself in whatever way to complete and lasting self discovery.

It was while I was shuffling with dissatisfaction between these two books, hoping to somehow finish them, that I happened to see the movie Equilibrium. It has made it to my favourite movies list (inspite of violence and a little lack in logic) because it reflected my point of view and satisfied me. The story is about a step taken to prevent another world war. It is decided that the root cause of war is man’s ability to feel. So to remove anger, jealousy and hate, a medicine is taken by the human race which make them emotionless. The price of this is that they don’t feel the good emotions either, but atleast there is no war and the human race is preserved. But the question is what are they living for? Just to carry forward the race? Finally the conclusion of the story is, 'Emotions are not the cause of war. Emotions are a gift that makes life worth living and not a mere existence. The cause of war is the lack of skills to manage emotions. It is when not managed, that the gift becomes chaos'.

The question now is only how to manage the emotions? Only when we recognize that we are actually a part of the infinite and that the body and its emotions are instruments to us that we would try to objectively learn about this instrument without ego association with the instrument. We would then recognize correctly its strong points and weak points and use it as an instrument. But still… 'I' am here within it to use it, not to let it gather dust just because this emotion charged instrument is not me! Fine, it is not me, but it is mine, and it is in my hand to be used….correctly.

When the instrument experiences the negative emotions, we would try to solve its problems in ways that suit it’s make. Sometimes it may require recognizing the futility or stupidity of an emotional reaction and so ‘letting go’ of it. But at other times, it involves understanding a reaction and the need for a proper immediate action and so requires just ‘letting be’, under ‘Higher supervision’.
I told this to someone but my idea was dismissed as lower understanding and I was provided with a book ‘ Practicing the power of now’ by Eckhart Tolle (especially to thwart my belief in possibility of destiny). I began reading it and quite amazingly I find it infact seconding what I believe!

I quote-‘To relinquish judgement does not mean that you do not recognize dysfunction…when you see it. …….You will then either be totally free of reaction or you may react and still be the knowing, the space in which the reaction is watched and allowed to be.’
Also I quote, 'There are cycles of success...and there are cycles of failure....The down cycle is absolutely essential for spiritual realization.' Also, 'when you have reached a certain degree of presence, you don't need negativity anymore to tell you what is needed in your life situations. But as long as negativity is there, use it. Use it as a kind of signal that reminds you to be more present.'
These words in this particular book reflected my thoughts in quite the exact words!

And so I am assured and can affirm that I believe that Being the True self is not always about ignoring negativity around and within. For Example spirituality is not about letting other people abuse you with their words or actions, just because the higher self is not supposed to be affected! Rather, being the true self is often acknowledging the feeling of the body and using the accumulated wisdom and understanding of the brain and also the intuition of the heart to carry through the body's reaction. Being the true self is not about going to the other extreme. It is all about recognizing the other extreme but arriving at the right equilibrium of an awakened spirit living a whole and fulfilled life within a body.