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Sunday, March 25, 2012

Jealousy Unveiled



It is said in some scriptures in effect that if a man can deal justly let him have two wives otherwise if he fears he cannot be fair to both then let him have only one. Jealousy is a trait often associated with women fighting over one man and women are often insinuated as possessing too much of the trait. But I have felt that in fact women suffer from jealousy because of a basic ineptness in men! The common man is by nature not only attracted to many women but is also basically unfair, uncaring or tactless. Women being perceptive and more emotionally developed beings(well according to me), are more sensitive to unfairness and end up into the vicious hold of jealousy. In fact I have known that women can be the best of friends to each other and if they have an issue that breaks the friendship it has to be (more often than not) an insensitive or unjust man who came in between them making one jealous of the other. By the way, why men don’t suffer as much from jealousy is because they are either busy looking at other women or have wise or caring wives who know how to avoid jealousy in their mate. And yet if a man suffers jealousy, its either because the woman intended to make jealous or the man is getting unreasonably possessive for no genuine reasons.

Jealousy unveiled and confronted is jealousy conquered. Avoiding it can worsen the situation irretrievably. So here I address women folk, and lets see how to cope with the greens... Well the first point is - Is it fair to expect something from Men that they are basically not capable of ? It is like asking a monkey to walk erect! How foolish can we women be! I read somewhere that "If you ever feel like making your man understand something then hit your head against a wall until that feeling goes away!" The long and short of it is “It is we women who have to change (as always) to manage our green emotion."

So here are some truths we need to swallow. Of course all men are naturally drawn to beautiful women but the one who cares for his woman (however ordinary) will never make her feel lesser or hurt her self esteem because to be appreciated by her man for what she is, happens to be the very ground for the woman. All men surely can have affection for more than one woman in life but the one who cares for his relationships will deal fairly in resolving conflicts and equally while serving out his affections. The fact is caring men are a rare breed!

Women are just as much(or maybe more) jealous of emotional attachments in a man as of physical attractions and that is difficult for men to understand. For women the biggest need is affection and not sex, and often the reason they give sex is to get affection whereas a man is affectionate until he gets sex, from which point he can think only of sex. So when affection is dealt unfairly among the women in a man’s life, the wife, the sexual partner can get jealous which the man whose primary need is sex, fails to understand. That is why a long courting period before hitching is a must. Of course that does not guarantee anything. So a wild suggestion maybe but if you need only affection then don’t give sex to your love interest because the assumption that sex buys love is as wrong as expecting the sun to rise because it is evening.

One way of putting an end to the green emotion is of course to end the emotional tie up that is causing jealousy, but the fall back is, it does not help with the next emotional tie up. So women, there has to be a solution that helps reduce the jealousy in relationship which a man is programmed to arouse. Yes, I am sure you guessed right, the answer is ‘expect nothing’. Now can you expect rivers to flow in the desert? But if you go forward expecting a desert and find a river, how happy you would be. So girls, don’t blame your love interests, blame your thick heads for expecting flowers on the pine trees. Look it up, pines bear only cones. Indeed you have caused your own miseries. However it is wise to expect all trees to be pine trees as you would be allowing yourself the chance to be pleasantly surprised...

But then what do you do for your inborn hunger for affection…hmm..well….pray to god to give you luck?

17 comments:

Jan said...

I found I mastered my jealousy when I became secure in me. My husband drives truck...he doesn't worry either. Because we love and trust each other and are secure in that. So I guess you could say prayers were answered in the way we wanted....

Rahul Bhatia said...

Jerly, this was one of the very interesting post that I have come across, and you have given a good insight into reasons for jealousy and what men need:)I am happy you finally came to the best solution of 'expecting nothing':)

Corinne Rodrigues said...

Jerly, I'm afraid I don't agree that men are not jealous... there are just too many examples out there of the vicious things they do out of jealousy.
I do agree with your point that sex cannot 'buy' love. However the notion that all women have sex with a view to affection has undergone a lot of change in recent times.
I think the gender lines we could easily draw a few years ago have gone quite hazy in present times.

janaki nagaraj said...

Men are jealous for totally wrong reasons.There are many of them. And there are the types you mentioned. Nice post.

Jerly said...

@ Thanks Jan for the visit, I missed you..It is rare feat for women to be secure in themselves. Congrats and may god bless you even more...
@ Rahul, so happy you could appreciate the post as I was thinking maybe men wont appreciate my honest evaluation.
@Corinne Thanks for your visit..sure there are except that men like to say that women are the jealous lot. I feel men and woment get jealous at different stages of the relationship, women in the earlier stage, men later. yeah you are right about gender lines gone hazy and yet its a big world with space for all sorts of timelines.:)
@ Janaki..yeah there are always more types than we encounter and generalize for our convenience in terms of comprehending. thank you for appreciating the post.

Rachel Hoyt said...

I've dated a few VERY jealous men who were jealous over nothing. It plagues both sexes and neither seems to know how to deal with it too well. :/

ralph said...

good point of views... for me, a relationship lasts if you both parties knows how to give and take... and putting our Lord in the center of the relationship. Yahweh bless.

http://trunklocker.blogspot.com/2012/03/foreigners-in-singapore-third-day-to.html

Mani said...

Jerly even men are jealous rather very egoistic and the fact is that women are wise enough to handle that, it is just foolish men take women fr garnted and the fact that they get attracted to other women happens with women too coz its v natural they too get attracted to handsome men around...They jst need to chill out on this matter..

All I know wen u really love someone from heart u rarely get time to admire someone else coz u r so in other person n don get enough f him/her.

Interesting post though...All I have learnt till dat most men are very harsh and I rarely come across a gentleman these days.

Love
Mani

Jerly said...

Thanks Rachel, Ralph and Mani for sharing your views
@Rachel-yeah Jealousy I feel is the toughest emotion to handle and it is a pity that one has to put in a space emotionally to overcome it, ending much of the bond..Maybe that is why too much attachment is not adviced by spiritual seekers
@Ralph-Give and take, very true. If it is only one of these then it becomes unfulfilling eventually. Yeah spiritually growing together is what holds the relation
@Mani-yes Mani I know it is a problem possible in all but men probably never admit even to themselves that the things they do may be driven by jealousy. They try to project that they are too secure for that. It makes them take out their jealousy in very skewed ways. yah it is truly hard to come across gentlemen with etiquettes which for me is also central to appreciate a man. Lack of manners is a big turn off ..

melissa said...

Oh this is so timely. It has often been pointed out to me that I'm a possessive kind of woman. Would that be synonymous to getting jealous all the time?

I think men shouldn't give women reasons for being insecure. I'd dare say I wish they wouldn't be so much of a flirt neither. Nor give in too easily when flesh craves...geez!

It's too tempting to agree at your points, but I wish to argue further.

Is it women's nature to be jealous? hormones? Could we pass off men's nature as 'unfaithful' as something so normal?

Is it possible to transcend jealousy? How do we balance our emotions?

Jerly said...

I agree totally with what you said that Men shouldnt give reasons for women to get insecure; and that is what my post is essentially all about that women are not basically jealous but rather they expect what they are capable of giving that is in practical terms a fair deal in a relationship. Well as far as I have seen most men are of one kind and that implies that it is normal masculine nature. As Jan said; to be self assured is the answer, not depending on anyone or anything, although that is very difficult for the womanly nature and if it wasn't so, women wouldn't give themselves to men, so it is natures devices to unite the two. But for me jealousy is very disturbing and the most tormenting of all emotions and I would rather give up a relationship than carry my life in jealousy. But that is not practical always unless you do not want any relationships in life. So I suggest become like men if possible, that is don't bank on just one for your emotional succour. If that is also difficult(possible), learn to move on when one has sapped out your resilience.

P V Ariel said...

HI Jerly,
Its good to be here.
This is a well knit page
a good subject to debate with
This "J" started from the beginning
and in the creation story itself we can see this and its consequences man faced. It continues and continues
there is no exception to this on gender base. in both places its almost equally relevant
All depends on the behavioral attitude. Good that you brought out this well
keep writing
keep inform
Best
phil

Jerly said...

Yeah Pvariel, it is obvious if we read the bible how the journey from polygamy to monogamy happened. Whenever there were two wives there is mention of strife and quarrels among the wives and step sons for it is mentioned that the man loved one wife more than the other, and a son from that wife more than the others making other sons jealous and vindictive against the favoured son. (like Rachel and Leah the wives of Jacob. Rachels son Joseph was favoured by the father..). It must have led to the dictate that let only a fair man take take two wives..and finally the system of monogamy because it must have been found that there are rarely any fair men or that the really fair men (loved one genuinely and so) prefered monogamy... :D

Jovy Thomas said...

The first two paragraphs had funny elements in it and made me smile :) And while coming towards the end it became moving. As usual the words are put together very well.

Jerly said...

I am so glad Jovy you noticed both the funny and moving sides :) Love

Hemant said...

A nicely crafted post. You almost touched all the aspects of J bug..and the medicine suggested by you is also well thought of and highly recommended :)

Jerly said...

Thanks Hemant :)

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