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Sunday, December 4, 2011

Love and other Lies


I heard, that the movie "The Dirty Picture" had good ratings and I was curious enough to read the review of the movie. The story line, to my surprise, was really good and agreed with my thinking, so much so that I wanted to see the movie! It is that old paradox, men want women to give them sex, but the woman who fulfils this basic want gets in return... disrespect. She might be pursued and showered with attention and care but only till she gives him what he wanted following which the man ignores her needs, puts her down in front of his family or friends and so on.

The natural make of a man is such that for him being a son or a friend may be about caring, about loving, but having sex is about dominion, about insulting, about sadism. Man’s instincts make him negative to the object of his lust, that is why the paradox that the woman who fulfils a mans lust gets nothing of his love but rather gets everything in the contrary.

I read somewhere a question- Why do people like love and hate death? Answer- People like love and hate death because love is a lie and death is a truth...
The truth is that, truths are more painful to live with so the world lives by lies. But sometimes it is good to know the truth, especially if the knowledge of truth doesn’t stop you from being yourself, rather helps you understand the real world. One big lie is Sexual "Love" as sex has basically nothing to do with love. The purpose of nature is sustenance through procreation and nature can do anything for it, even hypnotise... All life is hypnotised by a lie called sexual love to serve natures agenda. For procreation, in human terms, man has to have a need which should be prime, like an obsession. For that men have to be basically obsessive and often that is why they are prone to various obsessions, cars, money, power etc. Therefore there is no one and only true sexual love for a man as it would go against nature’s drive of procreation. Men are attracted to all women, and the act of sex being basically an act of dominion, is sadistic and can evoke even scorn and disgust in him. That is why women in marriages often become the punching bag of the man, an object to take out all his problems and issues on. "The paradox of relationships is that men cannot imagine having sex with a women they respect too much as a friend; whereas women want as a sexual partner one who respects her and is a friend!"

'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' Matthew 19:5. In marriage, the lust and associated issues is sanctified with the demand that the man should consider his wife more important than even the oldest relation in his life of a mother and a father. Since sexual act is basically an act of dominion of man over woman, this dominion can be nullified only when it is in exchange of submission of the man to the needs of the partner in terms of giving more priority to the partner than any other relation, however much older. Women become vulnerable if they have bowed down to a man, given him sex. They are at the mercy of their lover and need reassurance that the dominion is in exchange for all of the attention and love of their man. But of course this does not often happen as instincts win over marital vows.

“Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other” This is what St. Paul says in Galatians 5: 16-17. Love of flesh and love of god cannot coexist. Despite the fact that there is something called spiritual sex and though it can unlock our bliss centres, but still it requires two participants on an equal plane of existence loving each other in spirit and not in body. This, if not possible, is not so favourable as two sexual partners are more intensely affected by each other's actions. Two people can rarely grow together in spirituality at the same pace all through their life. One may be spiritual but if the other oscillates between the material and spiritual planes, it affects the other partner more intensely as both "are one". Spirtual awakening through sex is more possible for women who unify love and sex, but as mentioned it has its risks and vulnerabilities. For the majority of the world "where sex is, there is no love"; it is blind to the other and is selfish and so "where love is there can rarely be place for sex".

That is why spiritual men (and even women) often prefer to approach spirituality by abstaining from sex. Men have to get over lust for lust is blinding, it does not see the person it only sees the body and is hypnotically blind to the needs of the person and aware of only the selfish needs of the flesh. This is the reason behind why evils abound in the world all revolving around the harm done from the obsession for the flesh.

What then is love? Have you heard of the musk deer who searches all over for the source of a wonderful smell when all the while it was emanating from its own navel? The search of love is not for something outward, we have to unlock love in ourselves realising that love is not the nature of the world we see. Love is the nature of the unseen which we have to unlock, not in others but within ourselves. It is the nature of loving even when you do not get love in return, it is giving even when you get nothing in return. One of the lies the society promotes is “Do good and you will get good in return.” In the real world the giver is scorned, the cruel respected” The giver is taken advantage of and the fear induced respect is the trophy of the cruel. If you give your portion of food to your house help, there is much likelihood that you are the one whom she will be comfortable dumping when you are ill and need more help. If you help someone with money, there is more likelihood the other will start assuming all your money is theirs for the asking. If you have a habit of giving then better know the truth and get used to suffering for the good you do, or get smarter and draw limits so you do not get abused for this habit of giving(for you have to love yourself too!). The dirty picture of love and sex is the same. "The one who gives sex is scorned, whereas one who ignores this need in him is respected and loved ....by the Man."

Also read on sacred sex in Towards building a relationship with God
instincts in sex in men-women

22 comments:

Motifs said...

"The one who gives sex is scorned, whereas one who ignores this need in him is respected and loved ....by the Man."
I agree with the points you have made...great post.

Anna said...

A very thought provoking post. I have never looked at this quite as you have put it. Will have to do some pondering :)

Rimly said...

Wow! This made me sit up, Jerly! I truly believe that we should not go searching for love outside, it is within us. I must go and see this movie. I have heard so much about it.

melissa said...

There are so many aspects in what you've written that I find very intriguing, for instance, "Marriages often become the punching bag of the man, an object to take out all his problems and issues on"; "Two people can rarely grow together in spirituality at the same pace all through their life"...

I got most of your points especially sex as an act of dominion. I wanted to deduce a conclusion from your post but I couldn't.

As much as men think of love and sex that way, I remain a woman and couldn't think further because I find that we put more weight on love and emotions.

I'm not sure though how it is with marital relationships. But as I observe, people give in to baser, vile things than the fact that sex is a 'communion' ~ an act of union and intimacy leading to procreation.

This movie serves perhaps for women to think twice and take note of what they are risking in front of love and sex.And for men to realize where they are erring.

I would like to see this movie. It's very interesting.

Martha J. M. Orlando said...

I found the whole idea of "liking love and hating death", living a lie and denying the truth so interesting; I'd never heard that before. It happens to all of us when we fail to seek the Truth, fail to see how much God loves us and how we are to love as He loves.
Both men and women need to feel this kind of love before they can truly commit to and love one another.
Superb post, Jerly!
Blessings!

Jan said...

So many points you make...I will have to take time to think on this. i agree with some points, for me the point of giving is not to receive, but to give. I have though been taken advantage of and abused because I give so freely. I have learned to have boundaries, this has made the difference for me.

Jerly said...

:)Alpana, Anna, Rimly and Martha, I am glad this agreed with your thinking.
@Melissa, I know it is difficult to think that men could be different from us, but the truth is it is as difficult for men to understand that we think differently and need affection and not merely sex.
@Jan Yeah we have to take care of ourseves, as well as be patient with the suffering as says Peter 2.20. "But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God" because eventually it is between God and us, He is the only one we need to please.

SUB said...

interesting article....like the musk deer analogy :)

Jerly said...

:) thanks SUB...

Portia said...

A very rich text!Not a single word should be missed.It impressed me a lot.
-PORTIA

Jerly said...

Thanks Portia, U cleared my confusion as I had got a suggestion it should have been shorter and was wondering which words could have been edited.. :)

Jessica M said...

Really enjoyed reading this post. Some great reflections. You made me really think! I found this thought provoking:

"The truth is that, truths are more painful to live with so the world lives by lies. "

I agree with that. That's why be tend to but on different layers of illusions to protect ourselves from coming in contact with raw reality. It is usually uncomfortable, or the exact opposite at times ;)

~blessings

Jerly said...

Rightly said Jessica. Usually uncomfortable but can be the exact opposite..comfortable. :)

Andy said...

Hello.
Certainly an interesting read.
Thanks for sharing & visiting. I appreciate the comment.

JANU said...

Thought provoking post...points well made but debatable...:)

Rachel Hoyt said...

This is very thought provoking! I must ponder a while...

DeEpAK KaRtHiK (420) said...

Wow :) to be honest this is the best i consider from you, love is lie and death is truth ? great and true words..
http://deepakkarthikspeaks.blogspot.com

Praveen said...

That's some way to put it ! Keep writing .

Ash said...

I couldn't bring myself to see this movie. People have this tendency to criticize the woman in such cases, and never the men who exploit her. Such is the mindset of our society.

Do stop by my blog sometime :)

Timoteo said...

I think we run the risk of stereotyping when we lump all men (or either gender) altogether into the same bag. I believe you are referring to a very immature type of male, and of course, they do exist. (More so in certain cultures, perhaps.) But for many mature men, sex can be a beautiful expression of love for someone they truly care about.

A Great Liar said...

Thank you for sharing the link. You have made a very valid point in this one. And I can also understand that the article makes a point of talking about men in general, and of course there are always exceptions to the rule.

Having sex can be a btfl experience if there is enuff chemistry on either side, and if it is done bearing in mind the equality of both the partners involved. But in order to allow the chemistry to developed it needs to be evolved over a certain period of time, provided there is enuff willingness on either side do so, till they achieve the level of intimacy whereas having sex with each other should seem like a natural thing to do.

On the other hand, simply having sex for the sake of it alone is nothing but an act to relieve themselves physically, ... which is crude at best, and will always lack the magic we forever seek and rarely get.

Good one this!

Jerly said...

Thanks Timoteo and AGL. Both ur opinions are heartening. As u represent the Men I wasn't talking about in this post

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