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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Informed Love

My daughter in UKG told me that she saw a Cinderella cartoon Movie in school and liked it very much. Great..I just hope she does not take fairy tales too seriously or grow up on a staple diet of that. There are certain things I would like to inform her as she grows up..I am hoping for the right questions from her so that I can know the right aspects to deal with as per her age and stage in life.

Girl children brought up in conservative households have one advantage maybe of being too shy of the opposite sex to mingle with them (and so are 'protected') and therefore maybe can be shoved safely into an arranged marriage. But then their delayed realization, that is after marriage, that fairy tale men and real men are as different as Venus and Mars, can be quite shocking and difficult to accept and can create severe emotional problems. This is because what should infact be learned gradually is thrust into a capsule and given when views and expectations have really firmly set in the mind. The disadvantage then of conservative upbringing is emotional vulnerability.

Life and men do not turn out to be as perfectly put as fairytales are. Maybe there should be little stories taught in school or elsewhere, where the differences in thinking and attitude of men and women come clear so that as time progresses both sexes can correctly interpret the opposite sex's hidden messages.

Here are a few differences that they should learn as they approach, or are in, the teen age.

1. Women evaluate men as a person first and the way to their hearts is via the brain. Men evaluate women first according to their body and appearance and desirability.

2. Women Like to be appreciated, and dressing provocatively is (more often than not) merely because of self Love and desire for attention. They often don't realize the extent of the effect it can create.
Men can wrongly interpret this as 'seeking sex'because unlike women, men are biologically prone to be too often thinking of sex and so wrongly think that it must be the same with women.

3.Women are dreamers and desire a person who can LOVE them more than anything else (rather than about sex).
But most men do not have the concept in their system of a 'one and only' or a 'true love'. They love all desirable women and often a beautiful woman in their life can mean another of their possessions (like cars or latest mobiles) that they can boast of possessing

4. When men do realize the'being in love', it may or usually be true (because they were not looking for it and it was a discovery!), though never all exclusive. It is rare that a man could think of a woman, before he thinks of money and cars. And man 'cant help' being attracted to sexy women despite being in love with one. It is biological and women should learn to accept that.
But women can rarely be too content with a man's 'true love' as they generally want all the attention of their Man exclusively for themselves. Because women unlike men CAN love a man exclusively. But 'TRUE' LOVE can be in fact be a bit more difficult for women because women can generally never see love as non possessive and unconditional. Men value their freedom and therefore can rather more easily be unconditional and non possessive in love.(although these factors may reverse {flip around} for both sexes as the relationship progresses, that is men may get possessive as women turn non possessive often due to disillusionment and hence non expectation in love)

5. Women are REALLY from VENUS and ALL men are REALLY from MARS and no NOT EVEN ONE of the men is from VENUS!!

All these above given information, though can always be learnt from books but both young boys and young girls DO NOT REALLY BELIEVE IT unless they experience this truth firsthand!! Therefore it is really essential to learn these truths first hand, slowly but surely in small 'non-harmful' doses. Men have to learn that women's biology is such that unless they get proper information when they are in their teens(which is rare) they cannot really understand sex!! The desire that they seem to possess is REALLY only for LOVE. Women should learn that though they would like a fairy tale prince, the characteristics that they want is rare in a real Man, and are only found in women!!
So maybe unfortunately, but it becomes important to accept men as different beings and see if they can be loved despite these terrible differences that Mars endows them with. But hey, we women can be sure it is TRUE LOVE we feel and not mere a feed to our ego and vanity, only when despite of all the turn off differences, we still cant help but be drawn to one of these 'difficult to love' mars creatures...

PS: In this article, the term sex is used only to imply to the basic act (not foreplay). Teenage girls may not find it that easy or natural to understand the actual act because unlike for boys, their puberty changes do not provide clues to the actual act. Of course today's generation is more explicit with sharing information and therefore sexual awakening due to either clear understanding or even experience can be earlier. And after sexual awakening a woman may become quite similar in terms of sexual appetite as a man. Though this is true, still uptill the age of atleast 20, a woman does need to be considered as per the above article, because in a conservative society like India, it stands quite true even now and it is important for young men to interpret the non verbal messages of teen girls keeping the above information in mind.

11 comments:

andhrudu said...

sensible article and you have laid down the boundaries with in which one should consider this article

Jerly said...

thank u! visit again

Motifs said...

Excellent post.....something everyone should read.
Alpana

melissa said...

I think the best description would be women mature earlier than men biologically and physiologically speaking as well as emotionally and intellectually...

Teenage pregnancy has become more and more common in our country. While we learn to adapt, I have yet to understand this passion enveloping kids as young as their age...

I think along with educating our kids of reproduction etc, we should also form their values...

I liked your reflections and I wish I could read men's views on this post :)

Mani said...

Highly appreciated!!
U hv showcased d truth so well. Each n every line s truth to d core!!

Mani said...

Highly appreciated!!
U hv showcased d truth so well. Each n every line s truth to d core!!

Robert P said...

Hello Jerly,

I broadly agree with your comment, although I think you have portrayed the situation regarding boys and girls in a little too 'black and white' manner. Members of both sexes can have some characteristics of the other.
Also... 'rare that a man could think of a woman, before he thinks of money and cars' - well this man can tell you, women are almost always at the head of this particular trio. It's probably not acknowledged fully, even today, how much that thoughts of sex dominate the male brain, particularly during puberty. [ I'm just beginning to grow out of that now :) ].
You are right - fairy tales are great for young children - but we should gradually give them hints that the real world is very different. As ever, education is the key.

FherYmas said...

I agree on almost all that has been written here, even the commentaries. I just like to add that although it is ideal to have an "informed love" or simply say: Use your mind in selection is quite often easier said than done.
Like Melissa had said, teen-age pregnancy would have not happened if they are "informed" of the consequences.
I agree with Robert that some male display female traits too. Like being sensitive to child births, etc...
Now, I think the core of the issue, is Family support.
Just a trivia, did you know most fairy tale we now read are edited version. They usually didn't end up in "Happily ever after"...Snow White was molested by the seven dwarfs. Sleeping Beauty was raped before she woke up. Cinderella became a sex slave...etc...
Fairy tale was after all not intended for children.:)

Jerly said...

Thank u all for the response to this article! @Robert- Yeah it is a generalised view and ofcourse there are exceptions and u rightly mention that both sexes possess Yin and Yang in different proportions. Yeah Fher I have heard that the fairy tales had actually such content as u mentioned...I am glad u shared the info here..

JIM said...

I think I understand your concept but maybe it is a little to black and white. I think we both have some of the same personality straits you mention. I once read that there are always many more girls outside the singers dressing room then the comedians. The one thing women should know is that mens biggest fear is being alone. See were not that different!!


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Jerly said...

Hmm.. I dont know Jim, since the time I have known men closely, I have always felt without exception that they are very different from basic Woman and there is a fundamental similarity in all men

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