'Saying- A place to say it...

Are these mountains or mole hills?

"Each man is cause for his own misery" is what Vipassana teaches. WAIT A MINUTE before interpreting this statement! It  is explained further with example as follows- A person speaks harshly to you. His anger was a projection of his own suffering. You feel hurt by it. Your hurt feelings are your own reaction and so each person is creating, generating his own unique brand of suffering. Indeed a person's feelings of hate, anger, hurt are all generated by his own body. He can control it and give himself a different reaction, by understanding, by confidence, by clarity and if an action is required take action- a pro-action not a reaction.

So in that context“One cant clap with one hand” is definitely a statement guilty of being used in wrong places. The saying has a context and cannot be used everywhere. Where as per what vipassana teaches, we are all guilty of clapping with one hand, or in other words we are always slapping ourselves!

Taali ek haat se nahi bajti (One cant clap with one hand) is a saying we hear often. It is one saying which has often irritated me by its thoughtless usage. I am irritable, I get irritated with stupidity. If I am angered by a person using this saying and I slap him; would he say he was as much responsible for my having slapped him? After all no issue arises from one party? But really wasn't my anger my own problem. He was just using a saying what he felt was right, which I felt was out of context! I have a right to my feelings, my irritation, my anger, but in my anger I am not allowed to sin. 

Recently the above saying was used by a spiritual guru for a horrifying abuse case. In one's own lust aroused with or without provocation, one is not allowed to hurt or kill another. Lust is an individual's own problem, just as anger, as greed- the three gates to hell.  

A same girl walking the street may be ignored by one guy, admired by another and assaulted by a third. The girl completely dressed or semi naked does not make the difference. What makes the difference is how cultured the guy is. In fact it has been observed by women, that completely clad girls are evaluated by many guys as being “not confident” and weak and may be more prone to be 'taken for a ride' rather than their ‘confident’ boldly dressed sisters. Also it is a fact that many guys are more attracted to or aroused by completely clad women (in fact like those in burqa) because of the ‘mystery’ factor. Each man is provoked by different things and each man reacts to provocation in different ways. Even to the same 'provocation' every man reacts in different ways, (or may not find it to be provocation at all!). All issues arise in our selves. As Buddha implied-Someone may be trying to give you something BUT it is up to you to take it or not.

We find ways of coping with our issues or our faults. Self reflecting people analyse themselves, realize their faults and change for the better. People with evasive attitudes and pride find someone to blame and think that removing or harassing them will heal their own pain or issue. Hitler coped with his issues of inferiority, rejection, failure etc by blaming. His attitude was his fault. Punishing the Jews for what arises in him was his weakness. Rather than dealing with his inferiority etc in a mature way by self analysis he targeted his hate and issues onto a group of people. Would punishing and eliminating the Jews remove the miseries his own body, his mind was generating? Nothing can be blamed on provocation. Our action reaction or pro-action may have causes but nothing can justify an ill deed done on another; at best we can express our view or advice.

The truth is I LOVE sayings, quotes, some are my very favourite and I use then often but I understand that to each saying there is not just a place, a context…but also maturity.  But yes I err sometimes too. I tell my eight year old daughter  'Baal ki khaal mat nikalo' (Don’t try to skin a hair). She asks me what it means and I tell her that it means 'don’t try to find issues where there are none.' Once as I was making ‘paranthas’ (cooked dough) in the kitchen I told my five year old son (related to some issue at the moment)- ‘Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill’ He is too young to understand as much English and he thought it was some abuse so he reflexively abused me back saying 'muli ka paratha YOU'.(Which means -'It's not me, rather you are a radish parantha') Mountain, molehill, muli…indeed they sound similar! 

Sayings are good and useful to explain something briefly and are like unforgettable tablets that can be preserved by the hearer; but they have to be used at a right place, context, and maturity or it would be more harmful than any good. 

By the by I am sure you agree that I was advising my kids as every mother should?  Neither of them understood it at first, but one tried to find out what I meant and another, the 'younger' one got agitated and reacted to assumptions. 

And another thing before I wind up; please try to recognize the baffaloes and bulls before you advice, as it might not only be futile but also could be dangerous for you. I am not trying to discourage or scare you, but you know..there are these SAYINGS...

The Fallen Manhood

It is said that a society is known by the way it treats its women. It is said that women used to be respected in some era and some societies….

I did not want to write a post on a pointless pursuit. I don’t have to write what is the way the women are being treated today,… and that speaks all. Why I take my virtual pen finally to write is the ‘rate’ of deterioration of the society that has come to view in the past few months. I am troubled enough to be pushed to post a question as to why the society is spreading its viciousness towards women in such a geometrically progressing pace?

There was a report that one of the reasons is that violence against women depicted in movies is reflected back into society. That’s a point I quite agree with. Many movies I watched have disturbed me. Some for the foul double meaning language that the veteran heroes of the south use with women; the disrespect and objectification spewing from their words. When heroes do it, the fans follow. It is indeed visibly reflected in the society.

Other movies disturb me for how a large section of the males in the audience react, when they watch on screen the plight of a woman shuddering in fear and misery! Shockingly (maybe not surprisingly) quite a large part of it, jeers and laughs in pleasure! Lustful society indeed that cannot see a woman beyond her body.

Men would blame it on the women for having objectified themselves. Have the women of today really objectified themselves? Well, what option is left with the insecure womanhood, if she has to find or keep a man; when the only thing any Man is willing to ‘love’ her for, is her body and she is constantly in threat of being dumped for a better or younger 'model'?

What makes man so insensitive?
Curiosity does lead humankind into the dark lanes. I know of someone who tried beer. And then he tried it quite frequently. But he became aware that the beer was pulling him into the liquor lane. He also realized he had the capacity to become an addict. From that point of realization he did something that requires great strength. He made a decision and stuck by it. The decision was to never touch even beer! There are rarely any anecdotes I remember with as much admiration as this. He is one real strong Man. He had strength enough to resist even the ‘little finger’ of an irresistible evil.

I don’t know if anybody realizes the powerful truth in what the three monkeys of Gandhiji teach - “Don’t see evil, don’t hear evil, don’t speak evil” For evil is very powerful. It can suck you in, into its vicious grip. You may start by curiosity about the evil, but you never know how and when as you move more and more into the lane, in an explorers spirit, you become part of that evil, you become addicted; some evils that were repulsive to begin with, end up becoming a source of pleasure.

This happens to be the story of all sorts of addictions. Its starts with a one time and then suddenly, you realize that you are in the vicious grip of a snake, that slowly pushes out all your sense of right and wrong, deadens your spirit and makes you a ball of mass that ‘laughs and jeers at grossly wrong places’. Such a person no longer cares what a petty sight he makes, he is hardly aware of it, for he convinces himself that he is proud of his sickness. That it is his Manliness, his strength!

Weakness it is.. Can a man be so strong as to let go of even the finger of the evil when he realizes where it is leading to? Can a man be so strong as to not even touch beer no matter how his buddies laugh at him? Not even be incited by peer pressure and insinuations of not being a man? Can a man be as strong as that! If there is such a man, then he surely is a Man!

Today what we also see is that no man seems to have the strength to stand by a woman to protect her! ‘Manliness’, they convince themselves, is rather in abusing the weak women in all possible ways and blaming every failing on them. For the measure of pain and blame man is capable of giving, he does not have the strength to take even a fourth of it!

They think ,act and talk ‘lust’, and then they hide their lustful nature behind the insinuations to womanhood as sluts and objects of entertainment. Not that they believe the sex seeker image of women projected by the ‘virtual businesses’ that thrive on lies; but rather they are weak and prefer pointing their finger at the woman than admit that they have in fact objectified themselves; that their ‘whole world’ from thoughts to words to actions, revolves around their… ‘object’.
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After incidents like in Guwahati, the ‘show time’ made by the media and society out of that teenage girl's plight at the hands of jeering senseless men; women must have lost any remaining respect for manhood or any hopes from society in general to genuinely empathize with their situations. That naïve girl believed she had empathic ears as she talked to the camera! She is too young to know, that it is not just a matter of few fishes, it’s the whole river that is dirty.

As men conveniently forget to care about women whom they were designed to protect, they turn out to be woman’s worst enemies. They numb themselves, and do not care where they stand in the ‘lowly’ woman’s eyes.
By the by, what does the Man in today’s society look like in the Woman’s eyes? I am sure in any mature women’s eyes they are the weakest Men, weaker than even women, that any era could produce

But the truth is, it does not help to hate the sick. The sick have to come down from the throne of pride and see their sickness for what it is, only then can they help themselves out of it. The men who claim to be strong by harassing the weak, should come to terms with the weakness it actually is. Men have to abandon their high horses called “Manhood” that take them to hell holes. They should not lose their head to the powers of evil, rather, they should finally show their strength where it is really required; against the power of the dark as it pulls their right senses in. The head can rule again if it is kept where it belongs. That power is for Man to summon, for it is in his own hand.

Cap it Now not Later!

An easy going attitude can be a virtue as well as a fault! Rather than being uniformly easy going in attiutude, I believe it is more favorable to know - where to go easy and where to be firm and being able to follow through with that knowledge! But what we often see is, mountains made out of molehills and molehills made out of mountains! Much of the evils in life are the result of being firm where we should have gone easy, and going easy where we should have been firm.

As another child falls into an uncapped abandoned borewell and dies(June 20), one cannot but pause and feel guilty along with the nation for having gone easy on the first offender years ago who did not follow the regulation of capping an abandoned borewell. If only the media had made it a point to do a follow up after the first such incident covered six years ago(Prince) and shown the nation not only the drama of painful circumstances but also the grimness of what happens to the offender, then the many following deaths could have been avoided. If only a punishment grim enough had really been meted out then, to create enough fear, it could have prevented such callous attitudes in serious matters as this.

As I flipped through the biography of a gangster "Dawood" who went on to be the cause behind terror in India, I came upon a passage that told me his beginnings in a small conning gang. "As they got away with little offenses they grew more and more confident that they could get away with anything in the country"! And I knew then, that its again our fault; if the soicety had made it a point to severely punish the first offence, it would have nipped crime at the bud and society would not become responsible for terror and thousands of deaths in the nation.

Sometimes forgiveness and mercy is a worse sin. As the little girl Mahi called out to her father to save her out of the borewell, his father could do nothing but wait outside helplessly for three days. The whole world joined together to pray to God the Father for the life of the girl, and still He did not intervene either. If we don't learn when a life is spared as with Prince, what do we require to learn?...A Mahi? (a name which means "Earth Goddess"...)

I have seen that when an issue repeats in our life, it means only one thing; we haven't learnt our lesson with the first. What is the lesson we are not learning in this and other issues in our country? Why are we too kind to callousness and to the likes of Kasab who go on a killing spree? In being kind to one life we are being unkind to thousands of innocent lives in future who may be suspected to be another Kasab,another Dawood, another uncapped borewell.

Are we too much of the forgiving kind? No, not really! We are merely hypocrites. If we (the common man) see one frivolous error in a man who likes to walk the straight path, we are quick to point it out. Why? It is because he is "affected" by his faults and because we enjoy his discomfort in being affected.

But we see "ourselves" in the likes of people who leave a bore well open for saving expenses; we see "ourselves" in a Dawood who in a lust of money, manhood and power showed so called "bravado", "cleverness" and "manliness" in his growth to a Don; which a "man cant help appreciating", in spite of everything it meant eventually. There is no fun in criticising and punishing "ourselves" for having saved some effort and money in capping a borewell, but yeah 'such fun' in pricking the perfectionist as a duffer and good for nothing, over say an umbrella he failed to take! We see ourselves in people who lust the world and not in people who love the good and so we pick the wrong, frivolous battles to fight!

We do have to be wise and not frivolous in choosing our battles. . But I reiterate what I wrote before....If we laze out of the first worthwhile battle, we create for us a worse and woeful war to fight someday.

Fighting for our Spaces

Apart from the convenience of being totally understood, there are also a lot of household tips to gain from having a married woman as a friend in the neighbourhood. But since last four years I have not had such luck, (although I have had unmarried friends, which does not give the same benefits). It was frustrating until one day I decided; what the heck I will just ask my neighbor directly whatever I might need to know, and I asked -“Whats the best way to keep the house clear of coakroches.” And pleasantly without the process of intimate friendship and sharing I realized I could just get away with good solutions from pointed questions without much embarrassment!

I called up another friend and got the same suggestion and the whole procedure for the massacre as well. It must be good I decided. So I brought the powder and made the dough and stuck it wherever I felt the roaches would visit. The next morning as assured, I expected to see some dead roaches lying about. I was bitterly disappointed..Not even one! But then from the second day on I saw the dead roaches here and there. And I was so thrilled to see the dead ones! The writhing ones I smashed to the finish line.

It is a slow process to becoming a murderer. First time it is difficult and then it becomes easier and easier, until your senses are numbed to the misery of the coachroach. I, the tender heart, was so merciless with the roaches. “Be careful about what you condemn, for that you are in danger of becoming!” is what came to my mind as I boasted about the number of kills each day. But then Gandhiji's words came to my rescue or rather my modified version of what he said.

Well let me warn you first; what he said may not even remotely seem to be linked to my topic. So here's what he said “Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed." But as a corollary doesn’t it mean “In whatever evil we do we have to check whether it is for a justifiable need or a reckless greed.”? Am I twisting it too much? Well I know Benjamin Franklin seems to have said, "Man is a very reasoning creature; he creates a reason for whatever he wants to do". Yeah sure I know that; but examples might help here to justify my reasoning. Killing a common fowl for food as opposed to killing for sport, is an example of it. If I had gone about hating and killing all the coakroaches in the world it would have been an evil, than killing some roaches that encroached into a space I mark as mine. That is a need. It should have respected my space and kept away or bear with the consequences, right?

“Every war is fought for peace” Once the threat to our space is removed, and the adversary learns to respect our space, the war should cease. "Life is too short to spend in quarrels", and yet life is lived by doing what needs to be done for peace, even when it is a quarrel, a battle, a war that is a requisite to attain it.. We often have to fight a few battles to avoid a destructive war

And now for some whisper of an advice; whatever we do, even if termed wrong, may be perfectly fine as long as it brings good in the long run, but there are dangers when conscience erodes or when we lose sight of the purpose. That is why even one offence is such a dangerous thing, which is also why some religions prefer to teach to refrain from even killing a fly; as one may slowly learn the pleasures of killing (or other evils similarly). We might chose a “wrong path” where the end justifies the means; but we must always check not to become what we once despised. Our war should easily cease when it is peace.

School...of Good Hope

The other day few of us, parents, were talking about the cost of education in our times. It ranged from free, to Rs 15 per month to Rs 30 per month. How the times have changed… educational institutions are now synonymous with money……"expense” to most and “making more” to some select few. Today the Mexican grass on the school lawn, the exotic food in the canteen is advertised to impress parents to empty their pockets. And guess what, it actually works!

I was talking yesterday with a former principal of a school and in a matter of time I was telling her my short experience with teaching seven years back and how frustrated I feel about the education scenario. I was telling her what I feel is required to better the situation and discussed the economics of incorporating it.

That economics should not be important in the education field cannot be justified in today's context; as Money is a priority for all private enterprises and THAT cannot be changed and better be accepted. And yet some of the consumerism plaguing schools should be removed as it goes against the very things schools are to teach like "reducing resource wastage"!. In olden times there was optimum resource utilization  In today's times Bags, Uniform, 'Adidas' white shoes, stationary and books have to be brought from the school every year.Often after giving a bag, the school wants the parent to buy smaller bags for the little kid so no one questions the load they carry! That's one time I have felt the house is full of bags; like from old schools, new school and bags as promotional gifts from consumers stores but not one to carry to school. I also wonder if there is still the concept of using old books of the elder sibling or senior students in a posh school? How many trees are we cutting, and how much resources are we wasting  to write "SAVE TREES, DON'T WASTE RESOURCES"?

 Now more on the current filthy scenario

1. Education today is not focused on bettering the standards of education but rather is focused on making money for the private owners of the institution.


a. Schools are often marketed very well but it all turns out to be a flashy crust over a highly rotting inners where a teacher in a class does not even last for more than three months (yup despite the one year bonds). One teacher lasting one year has become rare in most schools, then what can be assured about the teaching standards of a school where there are not even good, experienced, stable teachers to show off? Is the expensive grass on the lawn and the canteen food enough for the child’s development?

c. Freshers into the teaching field are loaded with as many classes possible and even classteachership (associated are meaningless paper works and record keeping) when it is well understood that loading thus would lead to lesser preparation time for each class. .(Believe me even with four hours of sleep a fresh teacher cant spare an average of 20 minutes of preparation time per period a day under the above scenario) "Teaching well" definitely does not seem to be the aim when "preparation" time is not given importance while assigning the load! The aim rather seems to be to squeeze the very life out of the teacher for the expense she is incurring on the institution in the name of a comparative pittance of a salary. And I am not much wrong in generalizing this to most schools as I confirmed from the discussion with the former principal. This is true for most schools and things are no better today than seven years back.

c. Teachers are loaded like a donkey but compared to their work their pay stays unremarkable (also compared to other less stressful professions). There was long back an article in a paper that most of the heart patients admitted in hospitals are teachers. I can believe that. My short tryst with teaching left me convinced that only someone who has no better option would want to teach under the current load scenario.

2. Bettering options for the scenario without causing a dent in the money making. Money is important agreed, but there are also possible ways of earning it by first just aiming to make for a happy teacher

a. A fresh teacher should be given less classes and facilitate a scenario where the teacher can devote atleast two hours of preparation time for each 45 minute or one hour class. When the teacher has perfected her basic subject and arrived at an appropriate teaching style in the first year, she can be slowly assigned other frill and froth work like classteachership or even more classes. The economics of this is that more breathing space would make for contented teachers who don’t run away breaking even the one year bond and thus save the school the stress of teacher hunting after every two months.

b. Facilitating the appropriate environment to hone teaching skills in the first year of a fresh teacher and making for contented teachers would lead to stable experienced teachers in a school and a good name for the school without the need for expensive marketing strategies and loads of lies. A little bit of freedom and flexibility should be allowed to the teacher, rather than deciding how the teacher should do the job (directions like -the teacher should make notes and dictate the notes, finish course by October, revise in the remaining months, apart from this,of course do what u want in the class…!!REALLY? Where now remains the time per class to do what the teacher may want to do? In fact all the inflexible directions mentioned,are a pressure to ensure conforming rather than allow creative teaching) There can be deadlines and directions but there should not be inflexibility and absolute lack of trust in the teacher's own discretion and decisions.

c. In the end having contented teachers would mean requiring more teachers per subject or even class, but I don’t think it would mean more expense to the institution over time for the institution as in the long run it has to be good bargain with a good name that requires no expensive marketing and lesser stress and expense of recruiting teachers all through the year which I feel could add up to the same increment in expense as incurred to the institution by salary increments to a stable teacher over the years. (Expense in advertising for new teachers and possibly having to offer better pay scale to draw in a good teacher after every other term or year)

The former principal realized how frustrated I felt.  She agreed that my points had base but her question was who will bell the cat? Only someone who would stick the neck out and start a school because it is not the principal who decides how the school runs but the management. Moreover why would the Management try out this change when the old system is working very well in getting in the Moolah.

Maybe somebody someday would have time and patience to try out, calculate and confirm what I am suspecting…that it would be more economical if the above changes are incorporated. Till someone with enterprise does actually bell the cat, there is still something we can do as Parents to encourage good schools. That is, as parents, do not fall for advertising gimmicks-Old School, Reputed School, Flashy attractive school prospectus. (Yes, keep in mind-almost every lofty thing fanned in front of you about a school can be ascribed to mere gimmicks) So look for schools which though may be bad in their marketing, do have stable teachers who are also known to be the best and try getting kids into such schools first before trying for any other. Another thing we fall for is the belief that higher the fee of the school, the better it is, and schools cash in on that delusion. Rich and middle class parents should avoid falling into this trap and all of us should encourage the schools of substance rather than those with well bred marketing strategies. This if practiced by all who have an excess of cash to spend, in the long run could force school managements to change their tactics and bring change 'where it matters' to draw the money minters. Till someone within the institution does bell the cat…, it's for now up to all rich parents out there to bring the change we want for our kids. They deserve a better view of schools as we had...A view we miss so badly today

Evolution, a tool in creation (compilation of a discussion)

There is an arguement that favours evolution as the creator and excludes God. Science and explanations, I feel often makes naive minds blind towards the heart of matters, it makes one believe that anything explainable is science and only if not explainable is devine. How exactly does science try to explain the term divine? "That which human mind cannot explain?" Just because evolution can explain creation, is it necessary that there is nothing devine about the process of evolution

I have wondered why most animals dont seem to have the problems that humans have. The most potent example is of how they dont need a doctor to deliver their babies. How do they deliver three four babies without a difficulty! They are perfect reproductive systems. I have been having a discussion which made me think through this and conclude that our interference with nature's elimination of the unfit is responsible for it. Evolution would have eliminated the defective body type but science and surgery made those gene pools survive. It is the will, the prayer, the spirit of man that found answers to how to save the ineffective reproductive systems...in anasthesia, in operations. Why is there these defects that cause death? I would like to point out that death is a required purpose of nature to keep the population under optimum levels. It hurts mans emotions but overpopulation hurts more eventually to the natural system. There is thus also a purpose and an end to the defects and it does seem evolution is a tool of the designer God where defects control population (rather than a separating argument that evolution cannot be divine).As a priest recently very correctly answered his own ponderings of how there can be grief in some very religious families. He asked -'is there anyone who has had only grief in life? Is there anyone who has had only joy in life? Life has both joy and grief and it has to be accepted as such.'

Now to that we may ask then is there no mercy? Infact all around we can see mercy as well. Nature makes perfect by selection of the best but god is merciful on the imperfect too. Mans spirit found answers to how to cut across evolutions elimination and perfection streak. Mans spirit dived into the devine consciousness where everything is possible. All man has been able to create is not by his complex body but he willed it first in his mind and powered it with his spirit. He found answers on how to save lives that could have been lost to their imperfections,found out how to make survival of the unfit possible..That is God's mercy. You might try to turn a cover of a Jam bottle without an aid but sometimes it is easier to do with a lever. God for some works uses Man as the lever. All complex machines that God created are also tools created for finer works. Man is a tool that God created to work out some other tricks, like working against Gods own created 'nature's natural selection system', like to make a world (we call civilization) where there is not always that fear of the predator as is in the wild etc etc.(Have u seen how a wild animal always lives a life of fear from the predator, from the forces of nature..How many times do we experience fear in our civilised living away from the wild in safe houses? We have so got used to the life of no fear that we forget that living in fear is an actual everyday part of life of the living being in the wild. Could that be why men often seek out thrills and intense experiences,instincts of a wild past?)
The spirit works with and without the body. It is naive to argue that only a body can create. Even a Human body, a designer of things is nothing without its spirit. It is the spirit of man that creates not merely its complex body. Can a dead complex body create? In that respect it may not be a complex system called body that creates things but rather a 'simple system or in other words spirit' creates things through the complex system called body too just as the spirit creates even without it.

Can then mans mind be trusted in its faith in a creator God that he cannot see, that is a mind without a body? Can we trust the mind not to be delusional?

It is true that mind may some times be deluded but it is also true that mind cannot easily be deluded. How can we call 60 percent of humanity deluded because it believes in God? It is highly improbable that so many people would be deluded about one thing. I believe that if the mind does not accept all suggested answers but is definite about one inborn answer, the existence of a certain power that designed everything then the mind need not be distrusted, for the mind is not easily deluded, just as saying it is hot when it is actually cold is not comforting, religion or the concept of a creator God cannot comfort either unless there is some truth to it.

For example why does the mind often believe in a 'certain future' just because of dreams interpreted as premonitions. What is the explanation of confidence in it and what is the explanation when it actually comes true? For the self it may be considered as a self fulfilling prophecy but what when it is related to humanity on a large scale? In "Times Life" there was an article on premonition which gave many stories of how incidents like the Tsumani in Japan, the twin tower being hit by a plane was predicted or dreamt about…"Texas physician Dr Larry Dossey, in his 1989 book ‘Recovering the Soul’, mind introduced the concept of “nonlocal mind”- mind unconfined to the brain and Body, mind spread infinitely through space and time" According to him premonition was a built in feature in man. Premonition is possible in any person some may be more aware than others. People are confident about its meaning and warn others of whom they saw the premonition for example while a person was in an auto she got a call from a friend to get out of the auto....Unheeded she had an accident immediately afterwards. There must be some reason why a mind is confident of certain messages it gets regarding the future.

Then does mind's outreach also include a very distant past too as can be understood in the concept of a non local mind? March 2, 2011 paper had an article on 'well known tales from bible which could have a basis in science'. One among them I found particularly noteworthy. It is related to the question of "do we have a common anscestor in Eve?" ...as follows

"In his book ‘River out of Eden’, zoologist and atheist Richard Dawkins used a complicated mathematical model to work backwards through our DNA geneology, saying, “ there has to be a woman of whom this claim can be made. The fact that she did live in some place and at some time is certain. So to the extent that Eve is our common ancestor, even the Godless believe she existed."

The originator of the story about eve as the first woman, mother of all mankind had definitely no idea that it could be proved scientifically, but somehow it was told as a truth to be believed in. What made the mind confident of its truth? It seems possible that mans nonlocal mind can be aware of the distant past just as it can be aware of the future. Its an obvious conclusion...
We can conclude then that mind exists not only in the body but also non locally extends outside the body and it can be inferred from the above discussion that it extends to the future and to the past, which in fact would mean it is timeless! Isn't that what we think is God?

Lathmaar Holi

A few hours ago, I heard some comments on TV by women of Barsana, the birth place of Radha and the place where Lathmaar Holi originated. In this form of Holi women thrash the men with sticks! The women folk of the region were saying that 'Men don't really respect women, the way Krishna respected Radha. There are no such men as Krishna, and for men, women are merely 'use and throw'. Lathmaar Holi is really an opportunity for the women to take out their frustration and resentment against the men. Even children are allowed this day to hurl abuses at the Men.' These statements from the women made me realize that Lathmaar Holi is really therapeutic for women!

The regular holi with colours is fun and freedom, but this is really therapy, sort of like play therapy. Here the hidden anger and resentment against men is taken out. It is true, I feel women do Hide from their real feelings about men.
Their statements also reminded me of a reality show where a woman breaks off from her boyfriend and throws away the engagement ring in anger and both walk away from each other. But then it is the woman who seeing that he is not coming after her to explain himself, turns and goes after him meekly requesting him to explain everything away. Everything that she heard and saw. All that she had overheard him say about 'not caring a damn about her'. Women just can't face reality. How can they trust their own ears, their eyes and their brain when it could make them loose their desire to live. They find it better to hold on to imagined reality than loose the desire to live. Understandable.

And so I respect the person who started the Lathmaar Holi, to bring out hidden anger resentment and frustration and give healing to the women folk. Was it Krishna? Or was it some other Man? If it was some normal Man, then I am amazed at the care!Can a normal man really care so much for the health of women? Well, women are needed to take care of the household, and their health is vital for the health of the family. Now, that care becomes understandable!

Sachin Tendulkar

I have been thinking since the past week of writing a blog to honour Sachin after his much written about 175 in hyderabad..But the papers are replete with articles about him as he completes his 20 years in International cricket. Maybe another article in the net from me is not really necessary but still I want to. I have not really been a fan of cricket. And after the match fixing fiasco, I haven't even watched a whole match. But through it all I have always admired Sachin and maybe he is the only one I would say I am a fan of. Whenever he has been criticized for some non performances, I have felt ashamed about those who criticize him. I may never see a match but I can always say with certainty that it was just the luck that day and not any lack in Sachin. He is one person who I believe does not ever deserve to be negatively criticized. I have seen him stand at the crease to bat. I can see his eyes and his demeanor. Here is a man who plays for the nation. His focus on the ball and the game and the focus on the need of the team comes through in his attitude and his eyes, burning the TV screen. I have often wondered "How is it that he is not affected by pressures of expectations or negative criticisms or even self doubts" This is his strength that has often made him carry forth a one man show in the game, where those with not as much mental toughness crumble at the other end of the crease.

Sports is as much a test of mental toughness as of physical toughness and technique.
Weaker minds wither away in a sport that puts on so much pressure on every moment
He is a strong enduring Mind. A mind to give honour to...always..whatever he scores..

Recieving the Eucharist

Today in church, I really was touched by the sermon of our aged priest..It was about being like little children and forgetting and forgiving immediately after a fight. He asked us to remember all those whom we hadn't forgiven and forgive them. I felt the whole process very liberating and shedding all and any anger against anybody or even against myself, I proceeded towards the alter for recieving the eucharist(the body and blood of christ). I noticed the young priest who was giving away the eucharist,looking suspiciously at a lady three places in front of me in line as she moved away after recieving the eucharist. Probably she didnt recieve it in the proper way and the priest suspected that she was not a christian. He asked another man to bring her back. He was distracted and had anger writ on his face. I had noticed the woman who had taken the eucharist and passed by me, she had looked blessed to have recieved the eucharist. The priest was looking away at where the lady had gone as he gave the eucharist to the two in front of me. He was still looking away distracted as he kept me waiting for the eucharist. I felt upset as he had managed to kill all my feelings out of the blessedness of the act that I was to perform in recieving the eucharist! Quite involuntaritly I opened my palms which had been joined in prayer and posed a questioning "what!!" with it at the priest!Sorry!!! Mercifully I guess the priest was too busy looking away to notice me.

After the eucharist the priest went towards the back to where the woman was standing. I saw the agressive expression on his face as he passed by. I looked back to see him question them. From the gestures and expressions in the answers I guessed they were christians all right, probably 'reasonably new converts' which could have led to some mistake or whatever, that had made the priest doubt that she may not be christian.
I know that the church forbids non christians from recieving the eucharist.. but really for me personally whoever comes to church with reverence is a christian. Ofcourse the priests have to be alert with their duties...
But I really wish they didnt have this duty to do which could distract them from the duty to give 100% of their prayerful presence to those who had come with reverence to recieve the eucharist- the body and blood of Christ- from his hands.
And I also wish that those standing in line to recieve it don't take it upon themselves to question those alongside in line whether they are christian or not(I have witnessed it happen too -on a christmas morning -and in that case too, the one questioned was a christian, a regular infact!).
Those standing for eucharist and the one giving, in my opinion, have to be totally looking into their own selves, to see how much of a christian they themselves are as they prepare to give or recieve the body and blood of christ.

Wonder

I am amused by something that I am guilty of!! I have spent quite a few years of my life hitting my head over contradictions in spiritual teachings and now.... I am guilty of often contradicting my own statements!

I wrote, that I believed in fate but I also wrote that thoughts can create our future! I wrote about the effect of planets and I also wrote about free will! But I am not really being unsure, I am just observing the truths in life and 'wondering' loud in my blog. I realise finally that seekers are only stating their 'wonder' and readers see 'contradiction' when they look at the different writings but fail to learn directly by looking for themselves at the object that inspired the writings or statements.

Sure there is the 'Karma' that determines the future of an individual, and definitely there is also the power of prayer and power of God that can overcome all and any influences on destiny. The truth that we experience everyday in life is too compex to chalk out in black and white. We can only open our eyes in wonder at each new discovery a day brings and the next contradicts! We can just understand all the various influences on our life as we understand light. Light is composed of many colours/wavelengths, in the same way the influences in our life are many. In the morning light seems red because the red component is more dispersed. In the day time the blue colour is more visible. Similarly in our life at different points of time some of the influences may be more prominent than the other. When it is night there is no light just as when the soul, the higher self is in control of the body, physical influences recede in importance.

Even relationships are too complex to be tied in a law. It is great to write out the do's and dont's, the right and wrong but difficult to follow it through while living with the dynamics of relationships. There is the option of looking into the rule book or the option of looking directly at what might have inspired the writing of a rule book. Finally again when the soul, the higher self is in control of the body, there are no rules to be followed, just the will coming from the depth of the heart is to be followed.

I feel that there are really no laws or rules that are absolute and which cannot be proved to be breakable, if the powers that rule us decide to prove it to us! Even the Titanic sank. Even our will or our purity or our perfections can sink under some unforseen impact or impacts. Is it even really true that will, purity, perfections or even ships should never sink, should never falter should never fail! The truth amuses me, makes me laugh like a child seeing the joke in what as an adult I would be expected to cry over. There is nothing we can pride in. Can we take pride in our knowledge at least. How?, when even our knowledge is only the discoverer's wonder, not the inventor's genious

But yes, 'wonder' is the real state of knowing.

An Alternate Reality

Sometimes it is easier on psycholigical health to create an alternate reality and live in it. To live in a tailormade reality, when truth can be shattering or painful. The real world is not really for everyone. It is easier to be born, than to face the realities of life.

The papers revealed that "Sachh ka Samana' the Indian version of the popular reality show " Moment of Truth, had affected the common public to play it out in their own homes and it even led to a suicide where the person couldnt stand the truth that he made his spouse admit to. What I believe is; if you can bear only one option as an answer to a question don't ask it. The truth is not for the feeble hearted. Life and people are only what we believe it or them to be. It is often better to believe what we want to believe. And it is also quite sadistic to force the truth on a spouse who is happy to believe in an imagined reality.

An alternative to reality or an alternate reality is lived in and required in various contexts and circumstances. To look at another context is the latest issue over history. Jaswant Singh,senior leader of BJP was not really wrong in writing what he felt to be the truth(about Jinnah, even if he seemed to favour him), neither was the BJP very wrong in showing non support to his views (by expelling him), as their party and it's members had to adhere to their own tailormade truth.

After these episodes, I understand better why a Christian publication I approached for publishing my book "The Thomases' Road to Realization' (which seeks to convey that all religions are speaking of one truth), cited one of their reasons for not publishing it as(in essence) -it being too secular for christian publishing. I see the point; Each religious institution needs to hold on to its own or else wont there become a single universal religion..a single party all believing the same truth?

But is that really so bad? Acknowledging the uniting factors or getting a different perspective does not take away the essence of any party or institution. Rather it only confirms that the essence is absolute making it in all hearts firmer and unshakable, quite like how all sticks tied together is unbreakable!

The world stays as it is for now believing that it cannot be interesting being united and one. Happy with the way things are, afraid of change or trying out a new perspective and a new way to being the world. Those with a mind and heart for the universal truth cannot live in this static world, they have no option yet, except to imagine a united world and live in that alternate reality.

the celebrity speak

Aug 6th Times of India quizzed SRK asking his view on the Hashmi stand as to its effect on further dividing the nation rather than pointing out concerns.. SRK took a stand by not taking a stand on the platform that is so readily available to 'celebrities'. I also agree with him when he says of himself that he is a Good Thinking Mind. Though I have my information of his words only from the television and the newspaper and might have missed out a great deal of his words but what I have read in the few decades of his career are enough for me to agree that he definitely is a good thinking mind, also down to earth who does not feel that his biography requires to be written, who calls himself a mere capitalist actor, who does not appreciate things being said by 'stars' not as much for the sake of the concern as for holding the public attention. He understands the fact that sometimes it is appropriate not to speak up an issue for the larger good than to beat the drum and create worse situations. It is proper when a star refrains from using the platform that is so readily available to them. And such a star when he chooses to speak no doubt has attentive ears as opposed to those who make a beeline for the platform without giving the matter full thought.

And I am not saying this because I am 'starstruck' by SRK. I personally think that it is illogical to be celebrity crazy. Those in the entertainment industry are only to me as important as the handsome man next door doing a 10 to 6 job who does not happen to have a platform. And SRK is only as important as a wise neighbour would be.It is just that we wouldnt have heard what he has to say if not for the fact that he is in the entertainment industry.

Though a great deal of the populace may be celebrity crazy, (to the extent that even for an article on guru purnima the papers think of none but filmstars gurus interesting) I am sure that beyond repairing boredom, deepdown the thinking minds do know whom to listen to and what to let pass the other ear. So speak up 'wise neighbours'. With the other issue that SRK seems to be having is about being misquoted or misunderstood, I would just say that when a person is understood by the discerning public, it doesnt matter if once in a lifetime he blundered into a fight or ended up being misquoted.It is indeed not a reason to become insecure. Though the number of viewers of his films may not always be on the upward trend it only reflects on the film. I personally have seen without finding one or other fault in the acting of SRK around 4 of the umpteen I have watched(though most were still entertaining and SRK was charming all the same; and hope SRK fans will excuse my criticism on the grounds of my being a virgo) I do not judge him on his acting but on his words which as much as I have read have always been intelligent amusing and well thought out. And I feel that is what popularity and being celebrated is all about. That celebration once set into thinking minds does not really have a downward trend.

Homosexuality, and other Identifications.

Animals, I had thought, do not have homosexuals, and I believed that is because they are creatures of instinct; but a friend corrected me informing that 1500 species (such as fruit flies, lions and primates) exhibit homosexuality. He also wrote to me that most large animals that exhibit homosexuality live in groups and sex is used as a form of bonding mechanism and conflict resolution tool.

................

 I am including here the facts (shared by my friend) that requires to be noted before forming any definite opinions on the subject of homosexuality.

'Homosexuality was considered as a pathological mental illness in 19th and first part of 20th century, but empirical and scientific studies failed to produce a basis for regarding homosexuality as a disorder or abnormality. So American Psychiatric Association declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973 and American Psychological Association soon followed suit in 1975.

So it is not an abnormality similar to Down’s Syndrome but more of a rare physico-genetic trait such as left-handedness. It is estimated that 2-3% of human population is homosexual and they have minor genetic, prenatal/ embryological and neurological differences from others; though the biological basis of homosexuality is not foolproof. So sexual instincts may not be as inherent as we assume because 10% of all humans may be bisexual (capable of sexual relations with both gender) and 1% is asexual (incapable of sexual relations with any gender) without having any physical or mental abnormalities.'

..............

While I agree that instincts are innate, I also suspect that in some cases, it could be a malady of the mind. For example, narcissistic love may lead to disinterest in the opposite and magnification of interest in the self and the 'same'.  This is just speculation on my part. The Bible does not explicitly explain whether sexual immorality includes masturbation, but, in any case, I no longer subscribe to interpretations of certain Biblical verses as implicitly speaking against masturbation. I personally feel masturbation has to be more acceptable than abusing another for ones needs! 

Nevertheless, becoming a slave of the body is not good. Those who feel their mind taking control of their will should consider the warnings in the Bible in order to avoid being led by the waywardness of the mind. This line of thought makes me feel that instilling fear of punishment in those earlier times must have been considered better than explaining, probably because explanations can also become seeds to waywardness to weak and susceptible minds. It must have been seen as better than leaving everything to trial, error and self-correction because some mistakes are too costly and difficult to correct.

I would pursue the point that man with the superior mind sometimes follows more the mind than the instinct. In today's world, where too much media  information, excessive freedom and exposure prevail in society with hardly any effort at training minds to sift through information with discretion, chaos can be expected. With repeated attention to the wayward thoughts created by the idle mind, its dictates may be misread as instinct, sexual orientation or identifications. Here I would like to stress that man being oriented towards living in civilised society, sometimes requires its people to prioritise the purpose of keeping society civil and healthy, and avoiding unrest within society, such as by discouraging abnormal situations like peer group indulgences for mere fun and for killing boredom.

men women

There are certain conclusions that I have drawn regarding men women and I am making the generalized observation in accordance with my perception of how the men women world is working. The understanding could be most useful when the two worlds meet.

Men have to a varying degree 'the sadistic instinct'probably provided by nature (could be the effect of testosterone which only biologists could confirm or find out)so as to become the agressor in procreation..to inflict pain if required to attain pleasure.

Women are made out to be more or less dreamers and self lovers again to varying degrees which possibly is also a hormonal effect..so that there is 'strutting' and seeking for appreciation though it might require or result in pain.

These nature endowed factors in both, though help in procreation are blocks in the spiritual search for true love. The 'body' thus may be obstructing the experience of true love.

These factors in men lead to love taking backseat and pleasure front seat even if it be often tinged with sadistic pleasure. In women these factors could lead to insecurities and jealousies taking precidence over unconditional love. Depending on the Yin Yang ratios, both men and women may have these blocks in the ratio of their own Yin Yang.

That is why physical love is shallow where the soul stands away as a mute spectator.The spirit needs to rise above these 'bodily' or physical blocks to unleash the experience of true love. Only when the two can come together out of spiritual love alongside the physical (or which generates the physical)..can the bonding be complete..awakening true love and true happiness in both the participants and enriching the spirit. In such a bonding the soul participates and only then do two really become one enriching each other in the meeting.

Homosexuality

The article 377 has been amended and of course the hardcore christian will have some worries concerning this, particularly because the Bible has a negative stance about 'unnatural acts'. Agreed that homosexuality is not in with the natural instincts of the majority. Let's say that it is one of nature's aberrations, but even so, it seems to be not a small population with the homosexual inclinations, be it among human or the animal world! 

Maybe we can think more clearly on this matter if we think on it a bit laterally.

If out of 10 children a mother has one abnormal child, (could be any abnormality.., say mental retardation) would it be proper for the mother to expect that child to behave like the other 9 do? Abnormalities are a 'normal' phenomenon in nature. And the behaviour that such a child shows is "natural". The abnormal child can, and has to be allowed to be his/her natural self, because it cannot be altered! And it cannot, in any way, be criminal to be born abnormal. 

Thinking in parallel terms, sexual instincts are, largely, inherent, and cannot be developed or influenced upon (mostly). As long as it is inherent, it is 'natural' though not 'normal' natural instinct.

Not criminalising homosexuality means accepting it as an aberration, rather than crime. However, while we accept aberrations, celebrating it  can make it appear to be a normal social behaviour rather than an aberration. In my personal opinion, it may not be desirable to celebrate an aberration of nature even though we spare it any judgement, specially because it could give the wrong message to influenceable young minds. Take for example how excessive freedom in society has led to new, previously unheard of, identifications arising in society. Transracial, trans-abled and what not. Some of them say they remember that they were that way in a previous lifetime. I wouldn't argue with that, but isn't it important to live the current lifetime in the manner we chose to be born?

Maybe now we can understand why the scriptures kept sexuality in black and white. It's because freedom without discretion can lead to chaos. 

Perhaps we should rethink how far our education system is successful in enabling youngsters to think clearly and rationally.  How much importance are we giving to teaching thinking skills? Can our children understand the difference between accepting their natural inclinations and allowing the monkey-mind to flit about unrestrained? Or are we still like our ancestors who needed to keep aberrations under the carpet to prevent it from becoming an epidemic?

being taken care of

Today in church, the priest asked the parents 'not to put children to sunday school when they are not yet of an age to understand the lessons. Parents put their kids when they are just in UKG thinking that by 9th standard they will be free of sunday school and can concentrate on board exams.' He asked not to think in that manner because 'isnt it God who will take care of our needs.'

I believe that last line with my whole heart because I know it beyond doubt to be true. Even when parents, relation or friends or spouse become the medium, I can recognize quite distinctly in the manner the needs are met, as to who actually the provider is.

The signs are all there..
-Even I was not aware I needed it.
-or there is a whole lot of events that take place on which nobody has control of in which few people come together and meet a requirement I had, that I personally didn't bother about.
--the way I or those responsible for me are led to make choices that bring to me something that I had thought was not for me.
-the way certain things I am led to do (sometimes wrong in the bookish sense) and in the process learn, are so clearly the very lessons that help me understand and manage the immediately following perplexing scenario!

I am sure everybody has had similar experiences.
At the same time I know how I enjoy giving to someone who is thrilled by even a small gift, or who cherishes it more. I feel like giving more to that person.And so I feel that a person who has a grateful heart that sees the value in the seeming little things; gets or maybe recognizes or remembers more of such 'being provided for' experiences.Whereas,a person who does not recognize even an immensely valuable gift as being so, looses it (or does not derive it's benefits in the fullest sense), and nobody but that person's ingratitude is responsible for the dearth in his/ her life.

The more a person loves or values a 'need met' as having been given by God, the more are all sort of such 'small and big' needs of the person found met with.

What sort of person has this- much required 'Gratitude'?;
I am compelled to believe that gratitude comes easy to a person who desires to do the will of God in all circumstances, even when there is not the surety of what the will of God is. Such a person, I am sure, by the mere power of the honesty of the desire,will end up making the right choices and thereby getting the 'right'things in life. Surrendering to the will of God even when the results are painful makes for a genuine person who is grateful about everything received from the hands of God;'whether joyous or painful'. And so everything received attains immense value and benefits pour in due to the value assigned.

That would also be what is meant in the verse 'Seek the kingdom of God first and all these things (that you desire/need) shall be yours.'

P.S
I think sometimes gifts come with a duration and trust that it is so because such a gift holds its value only within that duration.
The one who truly desires the will of God, I guess ought to accept willingly the pain of loosing it despite having cherished it; just as readily as was accepted the joy of having found it...

cynicism

I felt, after I read what I first wrote on the topic 'money', that it seemed to hold a tiny hint of cynicism.I pondered for a whole day and so a day later I tried to minimize the cynicism in at least the afterthought that I had written regarding men in particular. The rest I kept unchanged and still hold on as true enough and useful as a 'lookout' (if not as a rule) despite the slight twang of cynicism.

Why I want to move away from developing cynicism is that a cynic would have to be a bit negative about self too because the cynic is not separate from the human race. And who would want to become so..negative as to be negative about self! Though the darkness of disapointment is sometimes too 'often', for the spark of faith in humanity to survive, there still comes the sudden flush of sincerety and love like the oxygen that saves the spark which does not wish to die out.

When I do get disappointed to the stage of cynicism I turn to my trust in the creator of the human race and decide Him to have been behind the whole 'play' of characters and circumstances; enacted to give all the participants the much required experience. I read recently that, 'Experience,at any cost is cheap'

So I accept my experience and am wiser by it.... And discard the side effects.

Motherhood

A Girl does not become a real woman without this experience. I am convinced about it, thinking on what I was before and what I am now in 5 years since 2004. I don't mean that just having delivered the baby would make a woman complete. Motherhood involves bringing them up; interacting, teaching, being there for them and in even letting them free. In doing all this motherhood brings in a great deal of power and authority in the woman, her attitude and in her speech. It brings in a great deal of different kinds of emotions ranging from immense love to utter wrath.Also the feeling of being responsible, as I feel of having 2 'little people' totally attached and depending on me. In time it seems to have unleashed also a kind of womanly confidence like never before. And all this is not a subtle change, rather it is a whole metamorphosis from a Girl to a Woman.

Fate

I do believe in fate. Even when people say 'we make our own fate', I wonder why we manage to make our own fate. There are stages in life when we know how to work in order to 'build a future' for ourselves,  but confidence fails us (or sometimes we are led to believe that it must have been lacking when we fail miserably). Then there are stages in our life when there is an upsurge of confidence that is fueled into us from someplace and somehow, or we are pushed by circumstances to deeply desire a particular feature in our future, and then it comes true! Then we are made to believe that we have built our future.

But what is it behind our fluctuating faith and confidence, about our very nature or even circumstances that powers our desires, and what is it behind our faith (or lack of it) in self about being powerful enough to mould the future? And so, when my desires manifest into reality, I accord it 'that something' behind the scene. I still did not create my future.

Money

I feel from experience that a persons attitude towards money speaks a lot about what that persons attitude in love and towards loved ones would be
1 A person who dislikes handling money usually dislikes handling relationships and probably frets too much over small issues
2 A person who is stingy about spending money over anyone but self, could be a person who cannot truly love anybody but self. In relationships the person may never be willing to accept a person in totality, but will allow or encourage only those aspects of the person that 'benefits' them.Such a person could show rejection if other aspects(unnecessary according to them) manifest
3 A person who is stingy even to spend on self, is a person who probably has or feels a dearth of love and affection in life in general
4 A person who spends without care probably fails to take any relationship to depth and just wastes energy in a whole lot of meaningless relationships
5 A person who wants others to spend for them despite being in possession of enough money, is usually a manipulator, who would manipulate the weakness of those who love them, so as to control them and have dominion over them.
6 A person who spends more on others than self, probably fears rejection and invests too much in others to keep from loosing their love.
7 A person who manages money well, saving as much as is necessary and spending on self and others depending on will, need, circumstance and propriety; usually is a tactful person and with good understanding of life and relationships and manages relationships well
8 A person who does not think of money, but only when it stands in front demanding to be used or invested,is usually a gentle soul probably capable of true love

As an after thought I want to add(despite the remote possibility of it being a prejudice) that men being inherently lovers of power and thereby money, may not hold the sort of love that women look for. I am reading romance novels currently and I find that only women authors are capable of creating the 'real' sort of lovers that are deficient(if not absent) in 'reality'.
Another thing is that there could be combinations of the above 8 types that could prove better or worse in relationships.Combinations can be of 2 or even more. 7-8 combination being probably best, 2-5 combination being the most difficult in relationship.