Running from pollution

I had thought there was no real pollution issues near around my peaceful home in kerala where I love to retreat to for sometime every year..., until I realized that paraquat(non selective, contact herbicide) was occasionally sprayed to control the weeds in our clean compound. I had assumed till then that the little that pushed up from beneath the gravel strewn over the mud were mostly hand weeded. Well, often hand weeded but not possible always, its true... I looked at the well in our compound.....Paraquat....., does have a bad enough half life(time taken for half of the chemical to decompose) which is at least more than a year.Hmm.. but has less mobility in soil so lesser chances of ground water pollution. There are only occasional rains in this season to push it down too much towards ground water and so degradation in the sun can be faster too. Not too bad then.
And..there is no place to run from pollution I guess...

Among all pesticides, I understand 'insecticide' exposure quite well enough, but I moved away from anything connected to Agri after graduation... but not really away from pollution as I soon realized. Env studies opened my eyes wider than I cared for. Can I now be happy that the vegs are free of worms, can I be pleased seeing a 'white' clean looking cauliflower? what sort of milk did I give my children. What of the packet milk my children are provided with... I used to look at the milk glass and wonder.. not some concoction of urea I hope. What sort of History does the water coming in the taps have? What combination of air have I been breathing in, each time, as I moved around over years in my country.
There is only one thing to do..Do the little, with the awareness, that I personally can do and stop worrying. because there is just not the option of running away from pollution and the possible effects. No point in worrying about what one has no control over.
Live peacefully without worry as long as we manage to live.. thats all there is to it

being taken care of

Today in church, the priest asked the parents 'not to put children to sunday school when they are not yet of an age to understand the lessons. Parents put their kids when they are just in UKG thinking that by 9th standard they will be free of sunday school and can concentrate on board exams.' He asked not to think in that manner because 'isnt it God who will take care of our needs.'

I believe that last line with my whole heart because I know it beyond doubt to be true. Even when parents, relation or friends or spouse become the medium, I can recognize quite distinctly in the manner the needs are met, as to who actually the provider is.

The signs are all there..
-Even I was not aware I needed it.
-or there is a whole lot of events that take place on which nobody has control of in which few people come together and meet a requirement I had, that I personally didn't bother about.
--the way I or those responsible for me are led to make choices that bring to me something that I had thought was not for me.
-the way certain things I am led to do (sometimes wrong in the bookish sense) and in the process learn, are so clearly the very lessons that help me understand and manage the immediately following perplexing scenario!

I am sure everybody has had similar experiences.
At the same time I know how I enjoy giving to someone who is thrilled by even a small gift, or who cherishes it more. I feel like giving more to that person.And so I feel that a person who has a grateful heart that sees the value in the seeming little things; gets or maybe recognizes or remembers more of such 'being provided for' experiences.Whereas,a person who does not recognize even an immensely valuable gift as being so, looses it (or does not derive it's benefits in the fullest sense), and nobody but that person's ingratitude is responsible for the dearth in his/ her life.

The more a person loves or values a 'need met' as having been given by God, the more are all sort of such 'small and big' needs of the person found met with.

What sort of person has this- much required 'Gratitude'?;
I am compelled to believe that gratitude comes easy to a person who desires to do the will of God in all circumstances, even when there is not the surety of what the will of God is. Such a person, I am sure, by the mere power of the honesty of the desire,will end up making the right choices and thereby getting the 'right'things in life. Surrendering to the will of God even when the results are painful makes for a genuine person who is grateful about everything received from the hands of God;'whether joyous or painful'. And so everything received attains immense value and benefits pour in due to the value assigned.

That would also be what is meant in the verse 'Seek the kingdom of God first and all these things (that you desire/need) shall be yours.'

P.S
I think sometimes gifts come with a duration and trust that it is so because such a gift holds its value only within that duration.
The one who truly desires the will of God, I guess ought to accept willingly the pain of loosing it despite having cherished it; just as readily as was accepted the joy of having found it...

cynicism

I felt, after I read what I first wrote on the topic 'money', that it seemed to hold a tiny hint of cynicism.I pondered for a whole day and so a day later I tried to minimize the cynicism in at least the afterthought that I had written regarding men in particular. The rest I kept unchanged and still hold on as true enough and useful as a 'lookout' (if not as a rule) despite the slight twang of cynicism.

Why I want to move away from developing cynicism is that a cynic would have to be a bit negative about self too because the cynic is not separate from the human race. And who would want to become so..negative as to be negative about self! Though the darkness of disapointment is sometimes too 'often', for the spark of faith in humanity to survive, there still comes the sudden flush of sincerety and love like the oxygen that saves the spark which does not wish to die out.

When I do get disappointed to the stage of cynicism I turn to my trust in the creator of the human race and decide Him to have been behind the whole 'play' of characters and circumstances; enacted to give all the participants the much required experience. I read recently that, 'Experience,at any cost is cheap'

So I accept my experience and am wiser by it.... And discard the side effects.

Motherhood

A Girl does not become a real woman without this experience. I am convinced about it, thinking on what I was before and what I am now in 5 years since 2004. I don't mean that just having delivered the baby would make a woman complete. Motherhood involves bringing them up; interacting, teaching, being there for them and in even letting them free. In doing all this motherhood brings in a great deal of power and authority in the woman, her attitude and in her speech. It brings in a great deal of different kinds of emotions ranging from immense love to utter wrath.Also the feeling of being responsible, as I feel of having 2 'little people' totally attached and depending on me. In time it seems to have unleashed also a kind of womanly confidence like never before. And all this is not a subtle change, rather it is a whole metamorphosis from a Girl to a Woman.

Fate

I do believe in fate. Even when people say 'we make our own fate', I wonder why we manage to make our own fate. There are stages in life when we know how to work in order to 'build a future' for ourselves,  but confidence fails us (or sometimes we are led to believe that it must have been lacking when we fail miserably). Then there are stages in our life when there is an upsurge of confidence that is fueled into us from someplace and somehow, or we are pushed by circumstances to deeply desire a particular feature in our future, and then it comes true! Then we are made to believe that we have built our future.

But what is it behind our fluctuating faith and confidence, about our very nature or even circumstances that powers our desires, and what is it behind our faith (or lack of it) in self about being powerful enough to mould the future? And so, when my desires manifest into reality, I accord it 'that something' behind the scene. I still did not create my future.

Money

I feel from experience that a persons attitude towards money speaks a lot about what that persons attitude in love and towards loved ones would be
1 A person who dislikes handling money usually dislikes handling relationships and probably frets too much over small issues
2 A person who is stingy about spending money over anyone but self, could be a person who cannot truly love anybody but self. In relationships the person may never be willing to accept a person in totality, but will allow or encourage only those aspects of the person that 'benefits' them.Such a person could show rejection if other aspects(unnecessary according to them) manifest
3 A person who is stingy even to spend on self, is a person who probably has or feels a dearth of love and affection in life in general
4 A person who spends without care probably fails to take any relationship to depth and just wastes energy in a whole lot of meaningless relationships
5 A person who wants others to spend for them despite being in possession of enough money, is usually a manipulator, who would manipulate the weakness of those who love them, so as to control them and have dominion over them.
6 A person who spends more on others than self, probably fears rejection and invests too much in others to keep from loosing their love.
7 A person who manages money well, saving as much as is necessary and spending on self and others depending on will, need, circumstance and propriety; usually is a tactful person and with good understanding of life and relationships and manages relationships well
8 A person who does not think of money, but only when it stands in front demanding to be used or invested,is usually a gentle soul probably capable of true love

As an after thought I want to add(despite the remote possibility of it being a prejudice) that men being inherently lovers of power and thereby money, may not hold the sort of love that women look for. I am reading romance novels currently and I find that only women authors are capable of creating the 'real' sort of lovers that are deficient(if not absent) in 'reality'.
Another thing is that there could be combinations of the above 8 types that could prove better or worse in relationships.Combinations can be of 2 or even more. 7-8 combination being probably best, 2-5 combination being the most difficult in relationship.

Death

What prompts me to write about death is a recent discussion with a relative on this topic. I thought then of putting my feelings in my blog

The reason death is feared is that what lies beyond, or even whether there is a'beyond', is unknown, and the unknown brings fears. But what I feel is 'why fear the inevitable, which nobody escapes from'. If I have a beginning I have an end. If I am eternal, I stay eternal. Whichever of this is true is true, and cannot be changed. Either I end, or I stay eternal; or the body ends and the spirit stays eternal. When the inevitable is not feared, at least the 'in-between', or can I say 'limbo', is avoided.

The whole difference is whether we go with surrender or we go with resistance. I think the whole experience of living involves learning what it take to go without resistance.

I love to compare with how we feel when we go into a water body. If we go with fear, our body stiffens and the more we resist, the worse is the experience in the water. However, when we go with an explorers joy, we enjoy this different realm. Our muscles relax and we float.