'Saying- A place to say it...

Are these mountains or mole hills?

"Each man is cause for his own misery" is what Vipassana teaches. WAIT A MINUTE before interpreting this statement! It  is explained further with example as follows- A person speaks harshly to you. His anger was a projection of his own suffering. You feel hurt by it. Your hurt feelings are your own reaction and so each person is creating, generating his own unique brand of suffering. Indeed a person's feelings of hate, anger, hurt are all generated by his own body. He can control it and give himself a different reaction, by understanding, by confidence, by clarity and if an action is required take action- a pro-action not a reaction.

So in that context“One cant clap with one hand” is definitely a statement guilty of being used in wrong places. The saying has a context and cannot be used everywhere. Where as per what vipassana teaches, we are all guilty of clapping with one hand, or in other words we are always slapping ourselves!

Taali ek haat se nahi bajti (One cant clap with one hand) is a saying we hear often. It is one saying which has often irritated me by its thoughtless usage. I am irritable, I get irritated with stupidity. If I am angered by a person using this saying and I slap him; would he say he was as much responsible for my having slapped him? After all no issue arises from one party? But really wasn't my anger my own problem. He was just using a saying what he felt was right, which I felt was out of context! I have a right to my feelings, my irritation, my anger, but in my anger I am not allowed to sin. 

Recently the above saying was used by a spiritual guru for a horrifying abuse case. In one's own lust aroused with or without provocation, one is not allowed to hurt or kill another. Lust is an individual's own problem, just as anger, as greed- the three gates to hell.  

A same girl walking the street may be ignored by one guy, admired by another and assaulted by a third. The girl completely dressed or semi naked does not make the difference. What makes the difference is how cultured the guy is. In fact it has been observed by women, that completely clad girls are evaluated by many guys as being “not confident” and weak and may be more prone to be 'taken for a ride' rather than their ‘confident’ boldly dressed sisters. Also it is a fact that many guys are more attracted to or aroused by completely clad women (in fact like those in burqa) because of the ‘mystery’ factor. Each man is provoked by different things and each man reacts to provocation in different ways. Even to the same 'provocation' every man reacts in different ways, (or may not find it to be provocation at all!). All issues arise in our selves. As Buddha implied-Someone may be trying to give you something BUT it is up to you to take it or not.

We find ways of coping with our issues or our faults. Self reflecting people analyse themselves, realize their faults and change for the better. People with evasive attitudes and pride find someone to blame and think that removing or harassing them will heal their own pain or issue. Hitler coped with his issues of inferiority, rejection, failure etc by blaming. His attitude was his fault. Punishing the Jews for what arises in him was his weakness. Rather than dealing with his inferiority etc in a mature way by self analysis he targeted his hate and issues onto a group of people. Would punishing and eliminating the Jews remove the miseries his own body, his mind was generating? Nothing can be blamed on provocation. Our action reaction or pro-action may have causes but nothing can justify an ill deed done on another; at best we can express our view or advice.

The truth is I LOVE sayings, quotes, some are my very favourite and I use then often but I understand that to each saying there is not just a place, a context…but also maturity.  But yes I err sometimes too. I tell my eight year old daughter  'Baal ki khaal mat nikalo' (Don’t try to skin a hair). She asks me what it means and I tell her that it means 'don’t try to find issues where there are none.' Once as I was making ‘paranthas’ (cooked dough) in the kitchen I told my five year old son (related to some issue at the moment)- ‘Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill’ He is too young to understand as much English and he thought it was some abuse so he reflexively abused me back saying 'muli ka paratha YOU'.(Which means -'It's not me, rather you are a radish parantha') Mountain, molehill, muli…indeed they sound similar! 

Sayings are good and useful to explain something briefly and are like unforgettable tablets that can be preserved by the hearer; but they have to be used at a right place, context, and maturity or it would be more harmful than any good. 

By the by I am sure you agree that I was advising my kids as every mother should?  Neither of them understood it at first, but one tried to find out what I meant and another, the 'younger' one got agitated and reacted to assumptions. 

And another thing before I wind up; please try to recognize the baffaloes and bulls before you advice, as it might not only be futile but also could be dangerous for you. I am not trying to discourage or scare you, but you know..there are these SAYINGS...