I finally read the much heard about book, 'Men are from Mars and women are from Venus'. I wasn't really expecting to discover anything new but I was taken aback by how much I really didn't know!
Men have an intimacy cycle! That is they require periods of intimacy(with their partner) followed by periods of independence. Women get upset when men enter the independence phase (which is like going into a cave) thinking they must have done something wrong to make him want to be alone, and so try to prevent the man from going into this phase. But...they (women) don't realize that to again feel the need for intimacy men need their time out with their own self! Lack of periods of independence sort of contaminates their intimacy phase.
The book also says that women are like waves. When she does get a listening ear to express any (say) hurt feelings, she will in fact seem to get more upset until she hits the bottom of her wave(trough) and then her mood gets better and better and reaches normalcy(crest). But her issues may still not be resolved and in a few days her mood may again go down. This happens a few times before each issue is totally resolved and she can be centered again!
It is obvious from the above explanations, that without pulling away for a period, a man will only keep feeling a distance (from his partner), whereas without expressing her very lowest feelings in phases, a women can not hope for an eventual or total release from her troubling issues.
Reflecting on what I learnt from the book I realised that all things and beings in nature...'simply everything' has a cycle. Night day, ebb flow, heat rain, joy sorrow, life death....cycles are true for earth and for earthlings. But it still really amazed me to discover why men and women behave as they do. It is because ..like everything in nature, their behaviour is also governed by cycles! Obviously then, the right thing to do is allow all sorts of cyclic behaviors rather than resist them...until equilibrum (or centering) comes naturally.
It now becomes easier to understand the spiritual pull on human kind as well. The human being is both a body and a spirit. We have both, the pulling to be the body and the pull to be the spirit. And so it becomes clear (from above examples of the need to respect the different pulls or phases) that to experience growth in our spiritual self, it becomes just as much necessary for us to respect(allow/enjoy) our physical self (not just our spiritual self).
If we don't allow ourselves to be Human we only end up contaminating our Spirituality as well. Take the simplest of examples- if a person in search of one's spiritual self (also called true self) does not retaliate to injustices (to self) like verbal insults; in an attempt to practice being spiritual (be without ego identification with the body), eventually his/her spirituality only gets contaminated, because the suppressed ego escapes into the spiritual practice! That is, rather than enjoy being the spirit, he/she would rather try to show off that, 'I am spiritual, I am above all your foolishness'! This is sneaky expression of Ego. Ninety percent of what he/she says will be Ego boosting (showing off) and ten percent 'could' be real spiritual content. That is, spiritual expression will also in disguise be only the very human... 'ego expression'.
And so, I am of the opinion that, the proper approach to spirituality is to let the need to be Human, the need to feel good about oneself ( about the body or Humanness) diminish at its own pace, with the spirit growing more and more in power by phases of total attention to spirituality(spirit) intermittent with attention to the ego (body) . And so..even spirituality is to be approached in its own turn on the cycle (by the beginning seeker)....And there is no need to fear the darker phases as the phase that is more fulfilling will always win eventually
Men have an intimacy cycle! That is they require periods of intimacy(with their partner) followed by periods of independence. Women get upset when men enter the independence phase (which is like going into a cave) thinking they must have done something wrong to make him want to be alone, and so try to prevent the man from going into this phase. But...they (women) don't realize that to again feel the need for intimacy men need their time out with their own self! Lack of periods of independence sort of contaminates their intimacy phase.
The book also says that women are like waves. When she does get a listening ear to express any (say) hurt feelings, she will in fact seem to get more upset until she hits the bottom of her wave(trough) and then her mood gets better and better and reaches normalcy(crest). But her issues may still not be resolved and in a few days her mood may again go down. This happens a few times before each issue is totally resolved and she can be centered again!
It is obvious from the above explanations, that without pulling away for a period, a man will only keep feeling a distance (from his partner), whereas without expressing her very lowest feelings in phases, a women can not hope for an eventual or total release from her troubling issues.
Reflecting on what I learnt from the book I realised that all things and beings in nature...'simply everything' has a cycle. Night day, ebb flow, heat rain, joy sorrow, life death....cycles are true for earth and for earthlings. But it still really amazed me to discover why men and women behave as they do. It is because ..like everything in nature, their behaviour is also governed by cycles! Obviously then, the right thing to do is allow all sorts of cyclic behaviors rather than resist them...until equilibrum (or centering) comes naturally.
It now becomes easier to understand the spiritual pull on human kind as well. The human being is both a body and a spirit. We have both, the pulling to be the body and the pull to be the spirit. And so it becomes clear (from above examples of the need to respect the different pulls or phases) that to experience growth in our spiritual self, it becomes just as much necessary for us to respect(allow/enjoy) our physical self (not just our spiritual self).
If we don't allow ourselves to be Human we only end up contaminating our Spirituality as well. Take the simplest of examples- if a person in search of one's spiritual self (also called true self) does not retaliate to injustices (to self) like verbal insults; in an attempt to practice being spiritual (be without ego identification with the body), eventually his/her spirituality only gets contaminated, because the suppressed ego escapes into the spiritual practice! That is, rather than enjoy being the spirit, he/she would rather try to show off that, 'I am spiritual, I am above all your foolishness'! This is sneaky expression of Ego. Ninety percent of what he/she says will be Ego boosting (showing off) and ten percent 'could' be real spiritual content. That is, spiritual expression will also in disguise be only the very human... 'ego expression'.
And so, I am of the opinion that, the proper approach to spirituality is to let the need to be Human, the need to feel good about oneself ( about the body or Humanness) diminish at its own pace, with the spirit growing more and more in power by phases of total attention to spirituality(spirit) intermittent with attention to the ego (body) . And so..even spirituality is to be approached in its own turn on the cycle (by the beginning seeker)....And there is no need to fear the darker phases as the phase that is more fulfilling will always win eventually
3 comments:
U r right.
You have certainly thought this one out. Eckhart Tolle talks about diminishing the ego, or "turn the other cheek," which is identified with Jesus. Tolle is apparently saying that by diminishing one's ego--and he gives the example of not responding in kind to harsh words or criticism--it becomes easier to be in touch with our spirituality, as our true identity is beyond ego.
He also acknowledges that we need the ego to function in the world we live in-- but, of course, that world is illusory. Nonetheless. we can call it a dream or a play or a drama, ("all the world is a stage")but it still exists in some form--even if it truly only exists in our mind.
So you bring up an interesting question: Is it better to practice diminishment of the ego as an ongoing way of life, or to allow for the varying cycles, as you suggest? You certainly have what seems to be a valid point--and that is how the ego resentment will eventually "boil" over and affect us in ways that we had not anticipated!
Interesting article! Thanks for calling it to my attention.
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